Acute Stress Disorder

[markie]

Or Simply

Tag Your husband.

Go outside to the backyard (if you have one) or local swimming pool, or
simply go out to the local Borders or Barnes and Nobles
and just find a book to peruse for an hour or two...

cheers

PS: tell Hubby to come to your shrink next session.  let shrink explain.
And tell him at first you will try to just do 3 hrs at a borders/barnes and noble, but
that you may need more time to do stuff.

[cherylbnj]

How about if dh goes away for 7 days on a lovely vacation - WITH THE KIDS!!!! 

[cherylbnj]

Tag Team Parenting -- One parent is on point (central focus/on duty) at a time, but the other parent stays as close as possible.  When signs of stress appear in the on duty parent, the partner says "Tag" and they change places.  The one of us going off duty makes no comment, doesn't finish anything, just turns and walks away.  Over to a quiet room to read a book, out to the car to drive around, off the the supermarket to get something, even just to walk down the driveway and look to see if there are any flowers or strange shaped tree branches.  There are practical limits that this is a timeout that cannot last more than a few hours, but the goal is to make "off duty" really mean not stressed out worrying about the children ! ! !

I know this is a little off the main subject here but I have to add my 2 coins...

Make sure that the 2 parents on ON THE SAME PAGE, otherwise dd/ds will use it as a great chance to triangulate.  If s/he can't get away with something one parent 1's time in, then s/he'll try it when the other parent is on duty.  Sometimes even do whatever it takes to get parent 1 to say Tag sooner!

[justine]

JL.....PLEASE dont add to your stress by trying to please us too!    (by sticking to your guns and going away for a week.)    I had a late afternoon evening a week, same day, every week that i was "off duty".    For 3 years dh did this for me.   It was my sanity saver.   Life was still so painful with oldest ddrad, but knowing i had that time to myself every Wed. enabled me to be the best mom i could be, despite the rad-attacks.

It was CHEAP too!   My younger kids got home around 3pm.   I gave them a big dose of mommy.   Right before ddrad came home (around 4pm) i went to the library.   Dh came home soon after, supervised homework or play, took a shower and headed out with all the kids to a local church around 6pm.   (your dh could find a church that has a supper and kids' clubs like my dh did).   The church was his "wednesday nite church"...   On sundays we went there and our church 50/50 mostly.

The beauty of the church thing was....supper was a donation so dad and mom both got a feed-the-kids break.   (and yes, we donated!) Supper was the first hour.   Kids went to their groups or sat with dad for wed nite service....which is usually short and light, maybe an hour.

Dh came home with the kids right after....usually around 8:30 pm.    He would joke around with them about mom being off duty.   The kids could run and give me a big hug and kiss before MOM went to her bedroom...but they werent allowed to ask me for any "mommy" help....only dad.   (remember, this was only ONE night a week!)

Little kids had to get ready for bed right away....so the whole evening was busy and dad had a lighter load thanks to the church supper and kid group activities.   They would sing and act goofy on the drive back and forth to church....with raddy sulking in the back seat...too bad! 

SOOOOOO, my free time was an hour or two between 4 and 6, when i went to the library, sat at a park or went for a walk.  "free" free time.   Then i came home and popped a stouffer's dinner i would buy ahead of time and hide in the freezer....3.50 to have some "bad" food like chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes! 
I still had 2 plus hours to listen to music, watch TV or wow, call a FRIEND without raddd trying to listen in to every word.    When kids came home, i got to be happy mom greeting them and letting THEM send ME to bed!
More time.....in my room.   But i was prepared with candles, music, books, laptop whatever.   I took a looooong shower, knowing that no raddies would be pounding on my door the minute i stepped under the water.   (tried once and blasted by super-dad!).

Rad dd sent to bed at 10 pm and dh and i would hang out for another hour of QUIET. 

Be creative.....or steal all my ideas.   Do what works for you AND dh.   Maybe he will like this idea better...or not.   And yes, 6 years later i STILL thank my ds periodically for the blessings my wednesday nights were back then.  And what a blessing he continues to be.   ((((((JL))))))

[blessingsindisguise]

Right now, I'm just too tired to fight the one person who is supposed to "get" me.

RadishMom, I have so been there.

Hang in there. Warm fuzzy thoughts being sent your way.

blessings

[Don M]

... he got very defensive and angry about it... he is just very threatened by the whole idea of me going off by myself...

OOPS (I seem to be leaving out little bits too often these days).  The idea of "down time" is to take away every single possible plan or structure that could cause you to feel obligated to do something you don't really want to do.  Tell him the very most likely thing you will do is sit and read a dozen romance novels and paint your toe nails.  Even if it doesn't turn out true he should understand that he would be bored out of his skull.

Please consider taking him up on the one day at a time, and then when you come back feeling better he may start to understand.  It's not about "separating" but about catching up with yourself.  You can offer him (he may already get them) days when he can be away for hours or overnight without worrying about you and dd16.