Play

[Dee]

I am an avid podcaster and one of my favorite podcasts is Krista Tippett's "Speaking of Faith."  Last week, she had a doctor on the show speaking about 'play.'  On the Speaking of Faith website is a slideshow of a polar bear playing with a husky and this is after the polar bear hasn't had anything to eat for four months but chooses to play with the husky instead of eating it.  I have been thinking a lot about play for many years and believe that light hearted play is pretty difficult for our kids, but I believe that play is essential to our lives and that we need it even more than our kids.  I was hoping for some responses or thoughts you have about 'play.'

[artsymominnc]

I don't know how well I do at setting aside time for unstructured "play" but I have recently recognized my own cravings lately for a creative outlet as well as exercise.  In the past week, I have been making a deliberate effort to make time for both, and have been enjoying it very much! It's given me a much-needed lift. 

I agree that it's really important to reduce stress and free our minds once in a while from the "to-do" list.  The irony is that in order for me to make time for "play" I guess I am actually adding it to my to do list, but it generally looks a lot more inviting on the list than the usual notes to clean the house, buy groceries, mow the lawn, etc.     I have an interest in writing and illustrating children's books and I'm hooked on a new idea.  I put aside my writing and art for quite some time, especially once I started homeschooling, and I've missed it sooooo much.  I don't know how long it will take me to pull this all together but this is creative play for me--kind of like how working in the garden is still "work" but because it's something I enjoy, it can be a good stress reducer for me.  The particular project I am working on also has a spiritual element to it so I feel like I am benefiting as much from the creative energy as I am from the prayer and reflection that go along with it.   

As for making sure my kids have time for play....I am 100% in agreement.  Play is my 9-year-old son's refuge from his fears.  And, for what it's worth, when he's calmer, the rest of us in the family benefit as well.  I schedule his school day as a mixture of school lessons and play time.  I try to balance the play time between activities of his choice and mine...trying to recognize when he needs sensory stimulation or therapeutic play to help him regulate and when he needs to be able to just go with it!  I can often gauge how regulated he is by how well he's playing.  I've heard it said before that play is kid's work.... how very true.   

BTW--What are some favorite board games and card games that you all like to play with your kids? 

GAMEWRIGHT company makes some fun card games.  We have Sleeping Queens, There's a Moose in the House, and Loot.  We also have some of their board games including Castle Keep and Snap which we haven't played as often.  CRANIUM also makes some fun games.  Zooreka and Cadoo are a lot of fun.  Also, a couple of years ago I bought a game called Clue Mysteries which is based on the traditional game of Clue but it takes it a step further by having about 50 individual mysteries to solve so that the game is different every time you play it.  As you move around the board, you visit the homes of Miss Scarlett, Mrs. White, Professor Plum...etc, and each character has a different clue to reveal when you land on their house.  It's a fun game too.

OK--now I'm in the mood to play some games....guess I'll add it to the "to-do" list today!

Have a good day everyone!
Liz   

[artsymominnc]

I'm surprised no one else responded to this.  I thought Dee raised a very good question...so what do you all think about adults needing "play" as much as, or maybe even more than, kids?

Does anyone else find that their child stresses out you try to structure some play time with them???  As I mentioned, "play time" especially with his building toys, is my son's refuge and I find whenever I try to spice things up a little bit by suggesting that we play a game together or do something together like make cookies...he gets stressed out just thinking about the possibility that something like that will take away from his idea of play time.  This past Wednesday I altered my school plans because Wednesdays had been too stressful trying to do creative writing and art...and me reading to him...so I let that all go for the time being and told him that the goal was going to be just to get through a few Wednesdays together to help him see that they could be OK.  I suggested we spend some time together playing a game...making some cookies...read some books of his choice.  It all sounded good, but it sure set him off again, and we got none of those things done. 

My best guess is that he needed the control over his own play time more than he needed the connection with me.  I let him know that's OK...I still love him...and I'm still nearby.  But I admit that it's been really hard to balance spending "quality" time with him because so often I feel that any time I am spending with him is still a lot of "work" for me because he's always so very anxious.  I wonder sometimes if we'll ever get to the point where we can just "hang out" together and I won't have to feel like I'm monitoring his anxiety to see if he needs something to be different. 

The hardest part is that he'll push away from the idea of doing something with me so that he can do his own thing....but as soon as I settle into an activity of my own...that's when he wants to talk and show me things.  His fear seems to be that if I'm not paying attention to him directly...I have stopped loving him...or at least I have forgotten that he exists.  Sounds extreme, but I think it's on target.  Most days are very tiring because this goes on all day...every day.  The more interest I express in doing something for myself, the more threatened he feels.....and yet, there are few things that he will choose to do with me.

Can you tell it's Saturday after a long week?  I have errands to run today and am actually kind of lloking forward to doing them just to have a short break away from home....even if it is only grocery shopping and a trip to Wal-Mart.     Seriously, I love my son very much, and I'm working really hard to try to understand his anxiety issues.  I keep reminding myself that whatever I see on the surface of his behavior is probably only the tip of the iceburg to what he's really feeling and thinking about his life and the world around him.  Which brings me back to why play time is so important for him if it helps him find a sense of regulation....and why leisure time has become so important for me to make for myself too!

Liz   

[justine]

I found playing board games, even very quick card games with my youngest two, too hard for them.  They loved to play mind you, but only if they won.  Nothing i did would make the game end well.  The winner was happy, the "loser" in tears.   Tried "cooperative" type games but they would try and twist them to make them competitive so they could "win."   I would try giving them a pep talk before and close to the end of the game, but they would always end in tears. NOT FUN!

So i tried puzzles, which they loved doing,...the small ones we would do together.  They would work on the puzzle as fast as they could, each trying to "beat" the other at finishing it...each hiding one or two pieces so they could WIN by putting in the last peice.  SIGH!   So i gave up, for a few years....  One day i got out a big 500 peice puzzle and started putting it together.  The two were then around 7 and 9.  When they wandered over and asked if they could "help", I smiled, said "sure" and kept on working...

BINGO!   The many-peiced puzzles took days and days to finish, so they did forgot to work FAST to win.  They had no idea what peices were good to hide, so they didnt.   We would talk and tell stories and work side by side on something relaxing.  I kept this up for years, moving to 1000 piece puzzles  Even my son, at age 13/14 would join me for 10-15 minutes to work on a puzzle and chat quietly. 

It helped that i love doing puzzles.  It became one of the few things that i actually enjoyed MORE doing with them, then doing without them.  Gave us time together in a non-threatening, relaxing way.  The key was the many-peiced puzzles though and the fact that it was something they enjoyed too and could do well.

When dd got older (12-13) she wanted to try playing scrabble.  It helped that all the older kids rarely beat mom, so she just took it for granted and handled it well....which gave her a chance to practice learning to accept help and advice from mom on how to beat....MOM!       We were able to play geography games together too, as she understood that i was just as happy helping her learn where all the countries in south america were since in her mind it was educational and not just a game.

Just some ideas on navigating playtime in Radland.   justine

[MrsArmor]

While raising our kids we didn't have cable tv.  We played a lot of board games and card games together.  In fact both daughters have said when they have kids they do not want to have cable tv.  They all still love it when I feel up to a board game after working all week. 

We also did things that kind of helped reduce some stress and anxiety levels.  We live in WET Western Washington state, so we always had the Nerf foam balls or shooting toys.  We each would have our own Nerf gun or bow and arrow.  We had wars inside the house at times all shooting each other with the Nerf ammo.  We also had Horse Chestnut wars outside.  The whole family was outside bombing each other with the big Horse Chestnuts from the tree.  It was all with fun and laughter, but trust me, it did feel good too!    Water balloon fights were also fun in the summer.  When it was done the kids would collect the broken balloons and the one who collected the most of them in the end got a dollar.  Clean up made fun too.   

We were extremely creative when it came to holidays or things to do inside the house.  Lego building, where we all were working on one great big city together.  Singing silly songs we would make up together.  Story in a round, each one tells a part of a made up story as it goes around the circle.  (warning: RAD parts can get pretty icky at times)  What we did for Easter egg hunting was a treasured memory for all the kids. 

Get plastic Easter eggs, enough for about ten each child.  Number the eggs inside with a marker.  Each year we used the same eggs.  Dad and I would sit down before the hunt and write on a paper 1 through 30.  Each number we came up with something, like a certain chocolate bar, cash, choice of next movie rented, special outing with mom or dad, choice of the next family outing, certain items we got from the dollar store, etc...  Just be creative with what each number got to have.  Each kid was able to find 10 eggs, so it was even.  After they were all found, we would sit down and put the name of whoever got that number in the egg.  They got some things, like candy or cash or dollar store items right away.  Then the other things like outings could be claimed throughout the year.  The list was hung on the fridge and each one would cross out what they got once they claimed it and it was done.  This way it was something that lasted a lot longer than just one day. 

I've done things like a hunt with riddles to find the money from the "tooth fairy".  I and the kids also did it for Christmas or birthday gifts for Dad.  The box had the first made up riddle for the receiver to figure out where the next riddle was.  As the person would figure out where to go next to get the next riddle, we all followed and had fun with it too.  After several riddles and locations then the person would find their gift or money from the "tooth fairy".  Sometimes there would be coin with each riddle so finding all the riddles to the end added up.

Play can be such a huge variety of things.  Even decorating cookies or gingerbread houses can be called "play". 

It is an important part of life, especially raising a RAD child.