DeborahO
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Posts: 121
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« Reply #113 on: January 11, 2010, 04:50:10 AM » |
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Each day, my heart rips anew.
Couldn't sleep, so I compiled all the posts here into one. Would make a nice book to tell how our lives are.
When he frowns I brace myself. Not at all what I imagined. She can con you within minutes.
I thought she would never leave. Things aren't always as they appear.
Parents are hostile, child is charming. If his lips move, he's lying.
RAD parents suffer because they love. Missing the person she could become. RAD hurts in the worst way. Unconditional love can survive repeating defeat. Battles for control in meaningless situations. So much potential, so sadly wasted. Twins: 1+1=10
Boys - It's Like Herding Cats Hopelessly stuck in the victim role. Manipulation is the game she plays. It's all about her, only her. She'd rather be right than happy. She came, she saw, she blowed-up. Why does she always do that? Out of sight out of mind healing was possible because she chose Family. No family. Family. No family.... Creating false realities; demanding impossible outcomes. When I am feeling hopeful---"Light dispels darkness; Love dispels fear."
But when I am feeling discouraged, the reality if more like "Fear and worries storm each day."
Blessings daughter, choosing a better path. Honeymoon is over..... New Family Please drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip... All contact is laced with hurt.
Lips smile, eyes hollow and sad. - kiddos or us? Not sure. Hiding my heart, afraid to love. I won't give up on her. me, me, me, me, me, me...... Adoption: open arms, broken hearts, sorrow.
I know where the knives are.
I can kill you, you know. Here's mine, emoticon style....
, , , , Don't judge, you have no idea. I'm soooo tired of the drama. 1. Oh, no, the schoolbus is here!
2. Need for control cost her Future. (dd17)
3. Screaming threats, ER visits, need sleep
4. Calmed down, have plan, day over
5. Constant supervision, gentle reminders, saw dimples
Having a family, plans went awry.
Sadness engulfs many times a day.
Years later, hope is leaving us. Cranial Rectally inverted SW Lying Again Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. No, not really.
Sick, scared, hurting, can't tell you.
Sweet, funny, loving, thankful, calm...asleep!
It's my private life you know!
Through Christ, we can do all.
Danger ahead: You're approaching the RADdercoaster Still strong voice to keep trying The phone rings - my stomach lurches. She needs help, on her terms.
Parents can't be in her business.
Parents aren't allowed to know anything.
Everything is a no win situation? Stop, I want to get off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hello! I had a great day!
Oh, that lost $100 History text...
You PLANNED to ruin my day!
I gouged the wall years ago.
Stomach clenched, blood pressure rising, weekend.
Better now, they WILL make it.
I told you a thousand times.... I'm hanging on by a thread.
Get your hands off my thread.
Reinforcing my thread with alone time. Good grief! Here we go again! Stressed, breaking, lost, hurting, ADSG,
Principal, letter home, don't know why ??
Gum missing, backpack open, not me
It's a new day, another chance. A new day, no more chances So many chances, not enough days another day, no word heard from...... I'm sad I'm glad she's gone. I'm sad I'm looking forward to "Gone" This isn't the life I ordered. Is she 18 yet? Ah - Shucks! Only nine more months to go Dirty underclothes hidden,
Yes, my homework's done...what test?
Does hair grow like plants do? ... (yup, that was Ds11... ) House sold. Packing s*cks. Daughter's freaking. Ill never get this chance again
i gave her what she needed
she sees the sun each day
heart as light as her hair
my super hero name is mom
i know how you all feel
journey not done, journey just begun
consider all those memoirs one big story
i love you guys! Mother's Day around the bend and
birthday and anniversary coming, always ignored
it has been, for many years....
her special days are never forgotten
"never do for her" she says
tired of it all, so tired. No one tells you before hand!
RAD attacks the heart....hold on!
Want to heal them but can't
You love unconditionally, they reject repeatedly
They are in so much pain
Beautiful little children filled with rage
Healing can happen...don't give up
It's not their fault....blame adults
In short lives, so much pain
push and pull, push and pull
break the walls with constant love
Don't forget yourself....they need you
Absolutely the hardest job on earth!!!
Very rough evening, Want to quit Over the top Even for Radland We grieve, for our friends here. Stressed is just desserts spelled backwards Oh realllll helpful, MA...LOL!! When do we get to dessert? Wearing me down, gradually getting numb. Is it them, or my pride? Tired of always saying 'no' creatively. Drip,drip just when is 18? It will be different this time. Rejected Love, over and over again........ I'm leaving on a jet plane.
Too tired to try any more.
Another day, another battle of wits. Let me get off the RADdercoaster! Too early in day for WHINE.
never too early for good whine....
RADdercoaster does not end with adulthood.
thank goodness for my friends here! Wish I'd never heard of RAD. I think I'm allergic to RADishes. Oh my, oh my, another lie. I can't believe your lying eyes.
It's too Good, to be true. Getting so tired of always trying.
Feel like I'm constantly paddling upstream.
Poor Choices, Blame Game, Mom's Fault Unattached adolescent, new baby, frightened grandparents. Does this ever get any easier? No ! ! ! ! ! (I had to add 5 exclamation marks because it wasn't 6 words....) No,nope, not really, okay alittle I wanted to help a child. Raise children? No... I grow RADishes. Counting the days to age eighteen.
Raddish already out of the house.
No contact order is in place.
Leaving her park, closing the gate
Hoping she decides to leave too,
Grows up and decides to heal. Growing weary, watching daughter destroy herself.
Loving daughter despite the many problems.
Coming here often to seek advice.
I really mean it this time.
I didn't mean it last time.
Just give me one more chance.
I didn't mean to do it.
I didn't think you would know.
Because I wanted to do it.
I didn't think you'd catch me.
You are not my real mom.
Life without ASDG, a scary thought!
Good Intentions, Rejected Love, Multiple Disappointments.
Friends Thanks for being there. Momtofive
Hoping that we're turning a corner, But not able to trust that. Given up so much for them, But never empty, He fills me. Can come back and give more, -Just wait until it is tomorrow.
First visit to see my Ds. Six days RTC, want's to run. "You gotta get me outta here!" "Give it time, it'll get better" "Any place is better than here" "That's what you said about home." "That's what you said about shelter." "That's what you said about DT." "You're facing 20 years in prison!" "I don't care, I'm gonna run." "You can't run away from yourself" As young boy, lots of headbanging. Now, it's my turn... Bio mom out of prison today. Never met her, she needs slapped. New address is back in cracktown. Can I bang HER head?
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