I know my DH was too busy licking his wounds and being self centered. I had the circle argument that he'd show her some compassion when she stopped attacking him. It took me doing the years of work and stress. (I Under stand the redundant questions here - It also cost me an extra 50 lbs of weight gain.) I'm the one who home schooled her last year; he thought it was a great idea, but he couldn't handle it when she refused to learn from him. I'm the one who took her to therapy 2 times a week; he was supportive, but HE needed the peace and quiet while we were gone. Now that she is showing signs of healing and things are better, NOW he's working on his relationship with her. Sigh........
Don't get me wrong, I know he didn't have the ability to handle what I did. I chalked it up to his mother never giving him the appropriate coping skills. She taught him to stick his head in the sand. She dumped adulthood on him when he was young while she worked, but never taught him how to handle it. Then, afterwards, she spent most of his young adulthood trying to make up for it and doing everything for him. He had to move 1200 miles away to cut the apron strings. When I came along, I was teaching him how to pull his head out
But, without the coping skills, it was a very hard lesson. As of date, he's gone through 10 years of hard battle over DD, and now that they are both healing, he is developing the right skills.
