Trauma Headquarters and ADSG

Sweetpea ds24 went on a spring break international business class to London and Paris for eight days.  He flew out Friday.  I just learned that he arrived sick and is in bed in his hotel.  Sounds like the flu, but I am anxious.  I also hate it that he has this short time to experience something awesome and is sick.  He also has to get a grade for this.  Anyway, I would appreciate any prayers.

Also, ds24 heard from dd20 on his birthday Thursday.  He hasn't had any contact with her in 3 years.  She was really sucking up and he responded back conversationally and with "I love you too".  There were several exchanges.  He has told me he wants nothing to do with her, so I was a bit surprised at his response.  I was also concerned and somewhat disappointed due to her betrayal of us.  I asked him if he was wanting a relationship with her and he said "No way!"  I asked why he then responded as he did.  He told me he didn't ever want her blaming him for their nonrelationship.  I cautioned him to be careful that he didn't send mixed or erroneous signals to her in what he wants.  I noticed she commented on his fb post about being sick, trying to get him to respond to her.  Not sure how to deal with this.  I'm really uncomfortable.

I think as they are both adults, you can't really DO anything, other than what you have done.

The one intervention that is always possible is prayer.  Pray for an outcome that is acceptable.

Warn, but more importantly help educate DS as an adult, what type of choices/responses work or don't with RAD.  But let the choices be his.  You have to trust in him.  Keep in mind that he knows the pain too.

I know that probably wasn't what you wanted to hear.  Sorry.

I do understand the concern and hesitation coming from your heart. :'( 

I hope Ds feels better soon!  Keep us updated.   :angel10: prayers sent.

Thanks Neitling.  You are right about them being adults.  Educating him would be a good idea.  A short article would be good as talking to him is only my opinion.   ::) 

Haven't heard anymore from him on how he is feeling.  Not sure what kind of internet access he has there.

Oh True, I am just now seeing this.  Not sure what is going on with this site.  That seems to happen a lot recently.

I am sorry to hear your son is sick.  We will add him to our prayers.

I understand your concern about DS and DD.  I have no advice.  I think the idea of educating him about RAD is a good one.  And maybe the book about Walking on Eggshells, Boundaries or something else along those lines.

Thanks Malina.  Good suggestion on boundaries, etc.  May do an internet search.  A topic like that would help in other relationships as well.

Just reading this.   Hope ds is better.   With my ds sweetpea, I had to couch my "boundaries" conversations with alot of "in the best interest of dd" as well.   He began to understand how enabling her talent in sucking up to people to just use them was not something he should want to reward and nourish.   

Justine - Hoping sweetpea24 is better as well.  Haven't heard a word.   :-\  His best friend called him a turd on fb for dropping that bomb on us then not keeping us posted.   :laughing6:  Hoping no news is good news as I have no way to get in touch.

Yep, for someone who wants no relationship with dd I can't quite understand his concern that she not blame him for not keeping in touch.  Niceness run amok!

Hope your son is better now.  Any news?

FWIW, my DS25 doesn't want a relationship with AD20 either.  I'm 100% positive about this.  But she catches him off-guard at times - calling or Skyping him out of the blue after long periods of no contact.  And he's a path-of-least-resistance kinda guy, so other times, I think he just tells her what she wants to hear to get her off the line, which is fine with me.

I know he loves us.  Don't know if he ever says the words, but he definitely does not love her.  He doesn't wish her any ill will, and hopes she's safe and happy, but doesn't love her and won't get suckered into her madness.

That's really all I need to know.

I think that's the case too.  He's just telling her what she wants to hear,  to get her off his back.  He might think of changing his skype address.   I think educating him on the how to not enable a RAD is a good suggestion.  They have excellent internet access in the UK.  So  yeah,  he's a bit of a turd for not updating you on his condition.  On the other hand he might be so busy catching up on his assignment.  Any more news?

We went to see ds24 yesterday.  He got in late Saturday night.  We had so much fun together.  It was dh, ds17, ds24 and me.  Went out to dinner, did some shopping and just visited.  Got all the feedback on the fun he had.  Ds thinks he was just sick from the travel and lack of sleep rather than having the flu.  Once he got caught up on sleep he did fine.

Ds didn't seem to have any clue that we might like to hear how he was.  He did redeem himself with London mugs for each of us.  He came home with a bag full of trinkets for his friends.  He said he didn't buy anything for himself as everything he wanted was too expensive.  He's still a sweetheart.   :love7:

He is graduating in May.  He told me today that with the triple disaster in Japan a lot of the english language teachers are leaving Japan.  He's hoping that will help him get over there to teach sooner, so plans to start applying.  I guess his taste for adventure is untarnished.   ::)

Yep, he's a 24yo guy.  'Nuff said. 

So glad he's okay!!!

Sounds like my sweet sweetpea.   They aren't "moms" and feel invincible..so what's to worry about?   :happy8:    Glad you had a fun reunion with your boys, True!