Trying, since I read your post I've had a lump in my throat.... the thoughts you shared touch me deeply.
I've thought a lot about attachment disorder and the Lord. My first questions about the problems with my son were "What's happening? What did I do wrong? Did I miss the Lord's direction in this adoption? What future do we have?" and so on.
As I've understood more - about attachment, woundedness, my own hurt in the ongoing difficulties - I've come to see Jesus differently, too.
He understands attachment disorder. We choose to relate to Him, or to refuse to relate to Him, usually based on our own agendas. I come to Him with my lists of wants and needs. Like our kids come to us. I forget Him easily when things are going along fine, blame Him when things don't go well. Like our kids, again. And still He stays in the relationship, still He whispers my name and says He loves me. Like we try to do with our kids.
On another level, I'm understanding more the depth of His love for our hurting children. Through no fault of their own they have been terribly damaged. He sees. He puts them in homes where they are given the chance to heal, to love and be loved, to choose Him.
I've often thought that my DS8 was chosen out of many, many others by none other than our Lord. He saw this baby boy, said "That one belongs to me", and sent me and DH and our biokids to be His physical hands and heart on earth. DS8 has a chance to choose the Lord.
But the cost is great. And we find ourselves "outside the camp". But you know what? Jesus is there. Here. Praise His Name!