Trauma Headquarters and ADSG

Friend neitlingme called me today.

A family member on her husband's side of the family commited suicide.  They will be traveling to the funeral.  Today she found out that the parents of DN have decided to plan on being there.

DN has not seen her parents in 4 years. 

It is all very complicated.

Prayers please for our dear friend as she sorts this all out.

blessings

Praying....

Praying, too.

Please let her know I/we am/are thinking of her!

Prayers from me as well.  What a difficult time to have to deal with this added challenge.

Yes, praying.

sending lots of good thought and vibes her way

:(   Thx for the news Blessings...will pray

I will pray.

Oh dear...so sad....and complicated.

I am praying as we speak.

Praying here also.

Thank you so much for posting for me, Blessings.  :)

The funeral and events surrounding it were very difficult. 

We (DH and I) decided upon hours of discussion and back and forth, that our children would not benefit at all from this type of funeral.  Afterall, a funeral is to pray (we can do that elsewhere) and support the living.  We did not want the funeral to be diverted to DN's biological nightmare....I wish we could have made part of the visitation perhaps (when it was slow) but as we didn't trust DN's parents...we didn't attend.  We invited the family we wished to see, to our hotel room inbetween visits and for dinner/etc.  It was much more pleasant this way.  The kids still knew they were grieving, but they weren't miserable.

Luckily so.  DH was ambushed by them at both the visit and the funeral.  They made (or tried very desperately to) it all about them, the relationship with DN and DH **apparently the boys and I don't exist**  They yelled at DH when he told them that DN wasn't ready to, nor did she wish to see them!  "WHAT??  WHY???  We weren't that bad to her..."    :o ::):angry1: :angry2: :angry4: :angry4: :angry4:    :BangHead: :BangHead: :BangHead: :BangHead: :BangHead: Weren't that bad to her?????  REALLY???  Uh, lets see, three years from DHS to get their crap together, attend parenting classes, anger management classes and drug rehab.  ALL PAID FOR BY THE STATE OF FLA!!    They had to have a job, maintain it for at least 6 months and have a home for six months,  (apt was fine) and attend those classes.  THOSE WERE THE ONLY REQUIREMENTS TO GET THEIR DAUGHER BACK HOME!!!  They hemmed and hawed for three freaking years.  THREE YEARS!  Finally the state of FLA got sick of the excuses and whammo, TPR.  Normally, FLA only gives parents a year to get it together.  THEY HAD THREE! 

So, when they get on their freaking high horse and say "We weren't that bad"  Uh...no.  It isn't what you @ssholes DID, it's what you DID NOT DO!!!!

And it's the abandonment that always seems to hurts the most.  The message that it conveys is "you're worthless" to me.  For a child, it evokes the fear of death. 

Not so bad?  Devastating.

Yep, denial.....floating aimlessly downriver.  Meanwhile the kids are drowning.  You all were so smart to manage things as you did.

Glad to see you back, Neitling. 

Thanks guys.  I knew you'd get it.

Thinking of you friend.

blessings