Trauma Headquarters and ADSG

Pa's dad died last night.  He was 90 yrs. old & frail.  But the family is torn, taking sides & making accusations, particularly against the brother who took his parents into his home & cared for them.  There was an allegation of taking advantage of a vulnerable adult - closed as unfounded.  Really too much garbage to list.

Pa's mom has dementia or she would tall them all to knock it off & act like grownups.

Pa could really use your prayers.

Condolances for both of you and sorry for the ugly mess around, wish you strenght.

Wrapping you and Pa in prayers.

blessings

My sympathies and prayers are with you and Pa.

Praying from here for the Father's peace, strength, and Holy presence.  (((((((((((Pa and Ma)))))))))
 :coffee2:
anne

((((((((((((((Pa&Ma)))))))))))))))
Praying here.

(((((((Pa and Ma)))))))

Praying even now.

Praying for the family.

The Lord knows.  And sees all.  Prayers for Pa and his family.   Losing a parent, no matter how old or how frail is a life changer.

Peace to all.

Condolences to Pa and the family.

Prayers for all to enjoy the kind of peace that only God can give.

Why does a death in the family bring out the ugly side of people?   :(

Please add my thoughts and prayers and hopes for strength and guidance through this very difficult time.  <<< hugs >>>

Prayers to you all and your family.

Prayers to all as you muddle thru  :angel10:

(((Pa & Ma)))

You got it.

Prayers from here and I am so sorry for the family craziness.  Both things are so difficult to deal with.  Hoping you all find some peace in the storm. 

In this case it's greed.
Thanks all for the prayers.  It's always hard to lose your dad.

SWP, DIL & DGDs picked up DDalmost19 from Job Corps & are on their way here for the funeral.  SWP called when they stopped for lunch to say that he made DD turn her t-shirt inside out & that all she has for a coat is a hoodie.  It's supposed to be 30 degrees tomorrow.  My stomach is churning - already.

No words, Ma............

((((((((((((((Ma and Pa)))))))))))))))
Ma, Don't let her get to you, please.  She wants the focus on her and you need to put it on Pa and the family. If it will be a problem, go to Wally world or another such store and pick out something inexpensive and appropriate.  Consider it a loving gift because you know she's not capable of choosing what would be appropriate due to her anxiety and stress, and just step back and ignore.  Will be praying for you all.
 :coffee2: :coffee2:
anne

I agree.   Or go to Goodwill and pick out something nice and appropriate.   Or just let it all go.   Hugs to Pa. 

((((Pa & Ma)))))

So sorry Ma!  You all have so much going on.  Hope things get better.   :love9:

More love and support from Oklahoma. 

 :BangHead:  :BangHead:  :BangHead:  :BangHead:  :BangHead:  :BangHead:   I HATE THIS!!  Sooo frustrated.

We're headed to KC, MO tomorrow for the mission convention & will drop DD back at Job Corps on the way.

Yes, it's good that she's still there, but she's not putting much effort in & she seems to be following in BM's footsteps.  I wish I had a $ for every time she said that she's not going to be like her BM.

But yay!  She's off all the 'hard' drugs! Am I supposed to gush how proud I am of her or what?  And she announced that when she graduates from Job Corps she's moving to NYC.  Awesome!  When we suggested that she might want to get a job & save some money first we got excuses & tears & "You don't think I can do it, do you?"   :angry4:

We shouldn't have to work so hard just to survive a short visit with our kids.   I hate it for you, that this time had to be marred by Rad stuff.   Try to stay under 100 mph tomorrow as you drive to Job Corps.   As for NYC....sounds like you need to practice saying, "that sounds interesting. let me know how that works out."    :BangHead: :BangHead:

I am sorry that she is causing you so much frustration.

(((((((((Ma and Pa)))))))))))
Only a few more hours.  Hang in there.  And file that intentional, guilt-laiden comment under 'g' for garbage.  Sheesh.
 :coffee2:
anne

Hahahaha!  Gotta laugh or I'll cry.

DD spent all the long hours in our car either sleeping, with earbuds firmly implanted or talking/texting to friends.  No effort to reconnect by her at all.  Dropped DD off at JC & told her that we weren't going to continue the one-sided relationship.  That she could contact us if/when she was ready for a real relationship.  Told her that we wouldn't bother her with family issues anymore.

We have now been blocked on FB.

2 losses in 1 week.  Except that we can't lose what we never had.

RAD the gift that keeps peeing in your cornflakes.

Thank you all for your thoughts & prayers.

I knew one, the death of my Dad would happen.  I also knew that the loss of dd was a high probability.  But both in the same week?  We'll I trust God to not give me more than I can deal with at any one given point in time.

Pa

Pa, I lost my mother five months ago.  THAT loss is so hard but makes sense.   The losses of Rad are incomprehensible.

Continuing to think of you Ma and Pa.  Sorry dd is such a pill.  Her behavior reminds me so much of my dd23.  We are currently back on her FB, but I am not commenting, holding out for something a bit more real and respectful.  Not gonna happen, so will continue my standoff.   I think what you told dd was exactly right.  Good for you!   :coffee2:

Praying from here.
 :coffee2:
anne

Thanks.  Now I'll never be able to eat cornflakes again.   :laughing6:  :laughing6:  :laughing6:

You all keep me sane(ish.)

Wrapping you in prayers!

blessings

Just saw this.  So very sorry for your loss.

May God grant you serenity during this time of grief.

((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))

On today's episode of You Just Can't Make This Stuff Up, it seems that 2 of Pa's sisters have moved his mother (who has dementia) again & didn't tell anyone.  When one of them finally returned a call, she said that they aren't going to tell anyone where she is until she's been evaluated & settles down.

Pa is calling Social Services today to see if he has any options.

 :o

(((((((Pa & Ma)))))))

Good grief Ma...it just never ends.

I am so sorry they are dragging Pa through this.  Just aggravates me.

What awful people.

Think of you so often,

blessings

I so understand this.  DH has BOTH his parents in a home.  One with Dementia and the other Alzh.  His 2 sisters insist on taking care of everything.  And they told DH that he could NOT visit them until THEY decided (after the eval's) that they were settled in enough to handle visitors.  It's been since last December, and they are still not settled down!

So we gave up.  We went to visit them.  You would have thought it was the end of the world.  We got the most nasty, ripping e-mail from the youngest sister; one you would NOT believe.  I noticed that neither one had had a haircut nor were they bathing or trying to take care of their hygiene.  So we paid for a perm and cut for mum and a men's cut for dad.  They glowed after it was done and it did what we had hoped.  They were so overjoyed to have this done, that they started cleaning up better as to show off how they looked (beautiful), and gloat over what we had done for them.  A few of you may have seen this on my FB.

We were told NOt to do anything for them without getting permission first!

We did contact Elder Services and were advised that unless we could prove the sisters were harming their health or stealing from the estate, we have no standing what so ever.


Plain and simple...IT SUCKS! :BangHead: :BangHead:

 :angry2: :angry2:  So very sorry, Ma and Pa.  Once again, the systems are in place but only spin their wheels.
 :coffee2: :coffee2:
anne

 >:(   That is ridiculous...both Ma's update and Cher's story.   Are these people the legal guardians?   I would call the nursing homes and make an appointment to talk with the case manager/social worker and see what your options are. 

Nope, you just can't make this stuff up.  I'm so sorry guys.

Social Services can't help.  The police showed up at 'Queen of the Acorns' door & looked thru the house.  She wasn't there.  We're going to have to consult an attorney.

We aren't sure who her guardians are at this point.  We DO know that someone attempted to change the trustees but couldn't.

I'm pretty sure that "evaluated" & "settles down" are code words for medicated.

Oh & 'Queen of the Acorns' was a preemie & in an incubator following her birth.  Surprised?

Same here.  The sisters say that "g" is the living guardianbut the home refuses to show us the proof.  They say we have to get it from sister.

She is not providing.  Have to consult atty to force proof or just drop it.

Since my dh takes over upon death as trustee we are just going to leave it alone.  It isn't worth the battle.  Ii

At least she cannot get to the funds.  Their atty takes care of that.

Wow Pa and Ma and Cher!   :BangHead:  This is really awful.  How sad that the siblings are more concerned about their own needs being met than giving their parents access to family and the best care possible.  So sorry!!!

De je vue!!

I just got an e-mail for "G" last night.

Seems SHE has made the decision to sell the family home.  No consult.  Just "her" decision.

We have a call into DH's parents atty to make SURE the closing paperwork and check go to him for the trust they established.

We shall see................ :angryfire:

((((((((((((((((((((Cher, Ma, Pa)))))))))))))))))))))
 :coffee2: :love7: :love7: :coffee2:
anne

Better keep a close eye on that, Cher. My boss is working on a similar case, and it's much harder to get the money back after it gets into the wrong hands. I never knew what awful things people could get away with until I started working for a lawyer.

We already informed DH's brother, the executor of the final will.
He is on it. 

Thankfully, mom and dad thought carefully and planned for this thru a living will as well as a final will in testament.  They had some huge investments already and protected their interests, and their kids future by placing everything in a "Family Trust" and other lawful trusts.  So the sale of the home will likely HAVE to go thru the attorney in charge, who is currently paying their nursing home bills.  He should get the real estate papers to sign as well as everyone from the sale and the title company.  Thus the check will likely be made out to "The A. McQ" Family Trust" or something of the like.  She could NOT deposit it into any account that way.

Some siblings are all about  the money!  I so get that.  She honestly thinks that b/c she is a twice failed out of nursing school "nurse" and visited them more than any other, and helped them out more, that she has preference to everything.  Their care, their home, their final wishes end so on.  So she won't even ASK anyone else what their opinion on any subject is.  She just takes everything upon herself.

Well, gotta drop it as I just relallized we are hijacking Ma's thread.

Sorry Ma! 

Pa went to court this morning hoping to get an emergency guardian/conservator appointed for his mom.  The Queen of the Acorns was there along with an older sister - the 2 trouble makers.

Older sister is now the court-appointed conservator & a neutral party is the emergency guardian.  The location of Pa's mom is in the court paperwork.  Older sister will have to answer to the court for any discrepancies.

That's the good news.

The bad news:  Job Corps called here looking for DD today.   :BangHead:  :BangHead:  :BangHead:
She's an adult.

I hope the crap from the sibling issue and grandma is soon over.

Now, as for daughter...I would have thought she was smart enough to NOT run away in the winter time.  It's cold outside this time of year in your state.  Heck! It's 42 and steady raining in the deep South.  That is cold but 10 degrees warmer than yesterday when it was steady raining.

Keep us posted.....

So glad Pa's sibling issues and Mom are sorted out.
Our's are sorted out too.  The attorney Dad selected is the conservator/trustee, so HE is selling the family home on their behalf; the proceeds to go into the general trust acct and be used for their care.  IF any is left then when they pass, it will be split 4 ways. We are confident, there won't be anything left there.
One less worry.

That is, since DD wants to throw so many other worries your way.............. :coffee:

I'll pray for her, Ma.

Maybe DD said she was going home for Thanksgiving & signed herself out.  :dontknow: Maybe Job Corps was calling to verify.  Maybe I ratted her out.  Oops, my bad. (as DD would say)

 :coffee2:

For you my friend.

blessings

Oh dear...hope you ratted her out and hope she is safe somewhere having "fun"....mostly hope she gets her butt bacck there and doesn't get kicked out.   ::) ::) ::) ::)

(((((MA & PA))))))

Hope things get sorted out soon, Ma.   Hoping you hear from dd soon.  (((((((((Ma and Pa))))))))))

Praying, Ma.  ((((((Ma Kettle))))))

Ma-

Any word yet on whereabouts of dd? Praying all is well.

I don't imagine we'll hear anything from her.  And we won't hear from Job Corps because she's 19.

You will eventually, Ma.  But in the meantime :(    Hope you will be spending Thanksgiving with some grateful SWPs....

Pa, and Ma, wrapping you both in prayers.

Thinking of you so often today.

Holidays are so difficult.  Just wanted you to know that I am out here, thinking of you, caring.  This year may be even more difficult than usual.

Think of you so often.

blessings

(((((((((((((Ma and Pa))))))))))))))))))
Whack-a-mole at its best it seems.  Hang in there. Praying for you folks and Dd.  Have a blessed Thanksgiving.
 :coffee2:
anne

(((Ma & Pa)))

When DS (now 23) was in Job Corps, I can't remember how many times he went AWOL - frequently with the gf & her family, who wouldn't believe us about his lying or his not having time off... So he ended up with maybe one personal day when his son was born. They packed him out a few times but continued to allow him to return. He did eventually graduate.

We do the best we can. Their lives are well outside our control.

Not a peep from DD since we dropped her back at Job Corps after the funeral.

No news is good news?

Dd18 has been doing this as well, coming on/off the radar.  It's hard to cope with.  Prayers from here.
 :coffee2:
anne

(((((((((((((((Ma & Anne)))))))))))))))

You two sure are going thru a lot right now with these girls.

So glad you have each other to help you thru it.

I hope its because she is "happy" Ma.  That's usually the case with mine.  Do they shut down any at Christmas time?  (Job Corp?)

Yes, 10 duty days + 3 weekends.  I figure that means this Friday is her last duty day before break.  She isn't coming here, she's already told us that she's going to her bios.  I think that she's chosen the bios over the adopteds.  We told her that we would be open to a relationship when she is ready.  I sent her gift directly to Job Corps & delivery was confirmed last week.

That & pray is all I can do now.

You are a good mom!

blessings

The Bios.....so sorry Ma.   Seems like a recurring theme here.   

((((((Ma & Pa))))))

So sorry Ma and Pa.  Sometimes no good deed goes unpunished.   :angry2:

(((((((((((((Ma and Pa)))))))))))))
No advice.  Just know that Dh and I understand.
 :coffee2: :coffee2: :love9: :coffee2: :coffee2:
anne

Well she did it again.  We don't take phone calls after 9PM unless it's a bonafide emergency.  DD called at 9:02PM last night to wish us a Merry Christmas & I hung up on her.  Now she looks like the good daughter & I look like the mean mom.

Nothing has changed...yet.

Good daughters respect their parents' wishes.
Good daughters don't wait until it's that late on Christmas Day to call and wish you a Merry Christmas.
Good daughters care about their parents' feelings MORE than their own.
Good daughters are still living at home.
Good daughters don't send their parents' to this forum. (though we are kind of nice to hang out with!!!)
Good daughters understand that Christmas is about God, and not themselves.

Good Moms set boundaries.
Good Moms reinforce them.
Good Moms love their daughters enough to say, 'No.' - even when it's hard.
Good Moms care enough to hurt when they have to remain firm.
Good Moms are hard to come by.
Good Moms are to be appreciated.
Good Mom is EXACTLY what you are!!! 

Your sticker chart is full - grab Pa and go do something nice for each other .... um, if it's cuddling, we don't need to know!!!  :o :laughing6:
Merry Christmas, Ma and Pa.
 :coffee2:
anne

(((((Ma))))))   You just described my whole week with dd23....every request ignored.  Every deadline "misunderstood".   

She looks like a sweetheart.  I smell like a rotting rosebush.

to whom?....only to her.  only to them.

Go, run!   ditto everything that Anne said!!

This is the drip, drip, drip that others will never understand.

Sigh.

Thinking of you.

blessings