Trauma Headquarters and ADSG

A police officer came to our door about an hour ago wondering if we know where dd18 is because the school reported her missing tonight. Apparently she left a note for her band teacher in which she threatend to hurt herself. Since she's not been living at home for the last 3 1/2 weeks and we have no rights to any information about her, we are the last people who know anything about her. The foster mom stopped at our house to ask if we knew anything else that might help, but we don't even know the names of her friends; she kept it all secret from us. The foster mom also said she didn't know if she should say this but she thought we have the right to know; that dd18 had said she wanted to lie on the railroad tracks and die that way. DH went to the railroad tracks to search, only to find an officer already guarding the tracks. The officer told DH "This is where we found her last time laying on the tracks. Last time? We had no idea she had done this, but then we've been kept in the dark. No word yet and it's been over an hour, and over two hours since she went missing. Please pray for her to be found safe.
Thanks,
JL

I'm Praying for you, your daughter and your family right now!! Godspeed, He will take care of you. A crisis can be an opportunity for change for your daughter. She might make a different decision or she might come to her senses. God hears us, He is Here!

They found her last night, overdosed on Zoloft and something else. She was having seizures constantly, and then her heart started having problems. Her BP and pulse were very high, she was having chest pains, and her EKG was not normal, so she was taken by ambulance to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN about 2:30 am this morning. The doctors did not know if she would survive.

DH was able to sit with her for about an hour, after much convincing from her foster mom, and hold her hand and tell her he loves her, and talk about good times. The social worker gave him permission to go to Mayo this morning but we don't know if he'll be allowed to see her. I am not going because she had previously told the social worker she did not want to see me, and the last thing I want to do right now is upset her. If that happens, we will probably not be allowed to see her in the hospital again. Right now, all DH knows is that she is in intensive care.

You know, it's the way she was found just tears my heart apart. A woman working late at the high school last night, for a volleyball tournament today, saw dd18 crawling down the hallway. When she asked her why she was crawling, dd18 said, "I'm having seizures. Call 911 and my foster mom." She had been hiding in a corner of the band room, so even though the entire school had been searched earlier that night, nobody saw her. She must have taken her overdose in the bandroom and then when she started having seizures, she must have realized she wanted to live, and crawled out to the hall where someone might find her. Thank you God that someone was at the school working late last night, or she would be dead this morning!

Thank you for the prayers, and please continue to pray for her. Once she is stabilized medically, she will be in another 72 hour hold, and then committed indefinitely.  At least she is somewhere safe, where she will be monitored closely. God help her! God help us all.
JL

((((JL)))))   I know this sounds crazy but THANK GOD for more than just that she was found.   Your dd sent up a HUGE SOS to the world that she desperately needs help.    Of course, YOU knew that, but you are mom and unhealed rads need moms to be the bad guys and be a source (or THE source) of their pain.   Your love for her is noted by all us here....and hopefully dd will feel that love or at least believe that love one day.   I am so relieved for you that she is in good hands...lets pray and hope that they get thru the layers of her confusion/deception/pain and find a way to help her.   She truly is in God's hands and in a real sense, she found a way to ask for help....in extreme raddy/BPD ways, of course!   You are a good mom.   My dd never wants to see me either...but she cant stop my prayers, hopes and caring.  Those are my mother-gifts to her forever.

RADishMOM-

Sent you a pm.

DD18Rad was moved from intensive care into the psych ward this afternoon, and is going to be there for at least 7-10 days. DH was with her all weekend, holding her hand and helping through all the hallucinations and voices and seizures, but at the very last minute, as they were about to move her to the psych ward, she suddenly got mad again and started arguing with DH, saying, "You kicked me out of the house!" and becoming very agitated. After the progress we thought we'd made with her, she told DH to get out and would not allow him back in her room. How discouraging.

Then tonight DH came home very shook up after talking with the foster mom. He went to the foster family's home to drop off an orientation packet from the psych ward, and foster mom filled him in on what's been happening with DD18 these last 3 and 1/2 weeks. DD18 has been incredibly sexually inappropriate with teachers, teacher's aides, other students, and even her foster mom. She's done things like announce at lunch and on the bus that she would have sex with anyone who wanted to have sex with her. She text messaged her favorite female teacher's aide 28 times describing the rough sex she wanted to have with her. Worst of all, she somehow contacted two complete strangers to come to town, pick her up and drive her to a hotel an hour away and have rough sex with her. Somehow the foster mom got wind up it and with help from the school, they figured out where she was and the foster mom went to get her from the hotel. DD18 was alone in the hotel waiting for two men to get off work and meet her in the hotel room. She went with foster mom, who took her to the doctor for a pregnancy test. We were in the dark about all of this.

Foster mom asked DH, "Did you know your daughter was into rough sex?" We didn't even know she was sexually active at all; she hid everything from us. I am so sickened and shocked, I feel as if we never really knew her at all. DH had to ask foster mom to stop telling him the details of DD18's text messages because he just couldn't listen to it; it made him sick.

Foster mom also told us DD18 has been expelled from school, will not be allowed to participate in the graduation ceremony in the spring, and of couse, not allowed to go to prom. She had a date for prom for the first time ever; she's never even had a date before, so how would we have known about all this?

Right now, DD18 is safe and being treated, so the person we are most worried about is DD16, who has to go to school and face all the questions and gossip. She is so upset and worried; she hates it when people realize who her sister is because she feels like they look at her the same way. I am going to set up a meeting with the school to figure out how we can help her handle this tremendously difficult situation.

One positive thing came out of this: I no longer question my decision to not let DD18 back in the house. My original instincts were correct, and I shudder to think of the danger it would have put DD16 in. I no longer question whether I am a selfish mom because I don't want DD18 back home again. Knowing what I know now, I realize DD18 can never live at home again. Foster mom will not take her back now either, so I don't know where she will end up. I feel for foster mom because she was not told of anything of DD18's history, only that DD18 was a nice, good girl whose parents kicked her out. That woman has an 11 year old son; that's absolutely criminal.

Thank you, thank you the prayers and just letting me vent. Finding this forum at the time I did has been an absolute Godsend.
JL

JL
You, your dh and dd16 have been down the darkest road!  Praying that God will show you that light at the end of the tunnel and as you start towards it, healing will come, bathing you in HIS peace. 
How important it is that we find the strength to do the hard things, trust our instincts and even though we feel we are the meanest of means, follow through for the good of everyone.  Bravo for you.   DD18 can receive the help she needs.  And dd16 is safe. 
Blessing to you....
Karen

I can only add my prayers.....GOD will PREVAIL!

To my surprise, dd18 actually let me see her today, first time in 4 weeks! She smiled, hugged me for a long time, seemed nervous and didn't know what to say so we (dh, foster mom and I) just made small talk until she was tired and wanted to sleep. We left on a good note, so for now, that's all can I ask for.
She had a bad night, hitting staff and attempted suicide again by choking herself with her pillow. Not sure exactly how she did that, but she was put in a 4 point restraint for the night. She was much calmer today, but she can turn on a dime.
It's nice to know so many people are praying for her, for all of us.
JL