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 1 
 on: June 14, 2016, 04:36:27 pm 
Started by Sherrie1003 - Last post by Hope
That is it!  Im not necessarily optimistic but HOPE is what makes all the difference!   That perspective is what we have to have.

 2 
 on: June 14, 2016, 01:13:08 pm 
Started by Sherrie1003 - Last post by Sherrie1003
I just read an encouraging devotion about the difference between the attitudes of Optimism and Hope.

"Optimism is the expectation that things - the weather, human relationships, the economy, the political situation....- will get better. The optimist speaks about concrete things.

Hope is the trust that God will fulfill God's promises to us in a way that leads us to freedom. The person of hope lives in the moment with the knowledge and trust that all of life is in good hands." Henri Nouwen

So, I am trying to have Hope and not worry about being optimistic.  If I can just live in the moment and believe God will do as He promises then I will be at peace with whatever that freedom may look like. I do not know if the freedom will be my son returning home with a better approach to life or if I will have to terminate my parental rights and let him stay in the facility he is now residing in.

Sherrie

 3 
 on: June 09, 2016, 10:12:20 am 
Started by Sherrie1003 - Last post by RADDails

There's some good info about FASD under Multiple Diagnosis.  I just added some images that helped us.

One of our laments?  But for three philtrums.....

 4 
 on: June 08, 2016, 08:35:32 pm 
Started by Sherrie1003 - Last post by Eliza
Oh my.  His IQ is 71. With an IQ this low, he will always have poor reasoning and judgment skills.  IQ is essentially static.  (Yes, I read several university studies showing that IQ can change over time, but none of the individuals, whose IQs changed in the studies, experience a dramatic change.) 

 5 
 on: June 08, 2016, 07:19:06 am 
Started by Sherrie1003 - Last post by Sherrie1003
MamaBee,

I know what you mean. I had one boy who was so loving and grateful and caring. He wanted to stay here so bad but the agency wanted to move him to where his brother and baby sister were even though that house was a dump. So, he moved and then they moved them all again.

I am just so heart broken about both of my sons. My oldest is back in jail. he violated his terms of probation so he was arrested. I know he is still using and I know he isn't in jail but I want so much more for him. he at least was kind and loving when he last visited and except for having withdrawal pains he didn't do anything disrespectful.

I spoke to my youngest last night and all he wanted to tell me about was all of the food he has been permitted to eat, mostly junk food and fast food. he bragged about playing Call of Duty and lots of video games too. He did not ask about me or anything here. I know he is stressed out and sad. He says he wants to come home, he trusts me and he loves me but he certainly doesn't act like it. the foster mom who has him now says he is the worst kid she has ever had, and that is format least 100 kids according to her. I know he is going back into a residential facility by the end of the week. That is best because at least he can't hurt people or pets. the foster mom told me he told one of her kids he was going to run over her feet with a grocery cart. She told him if he did she would cut his feet off. I guess he decided not to do it.

Anyway, I still hope there are some kids out there for me. I want my sons to be well and at least be productive members of society. I am not sure my youngest son will be back home because he has never changed his behavior before and he told his counselors he wasn't going to change it now.

Thanks again for praying. I am so sad and hurt and I just want something to go well.

Sherrie

 6 
 on: June 06, 2016, 03:34:44 pm 
Started by Sherrie1003 - Last post by Mama Bee
Sherrie,

I remember that feeling. I wanted a kid who wanted a home and wanted to be helped. I haven't had one like that as far I can remember. Some of my healthier adopted kids are leaning in that direction now, but no one started out that way.

 7 
 on: June 06, 2016, 12:15:15 pm 
Started by Sherrie1003 - Last post by Sherrie1003
Eliza,

Thanks for the idea about FAS. I know his mother drank, even though she lied. I also know she used drugs a lot. The odd thing is my son doesn't gravitate towards as much horror and gore but he doesn't seem to feel much pain, unless it gets him attention. He bites and self harms still. he has decreased his amount of self harming but he still does it. His hand was infected recently and he had to puncture it to drain the goo. I figured since his full scale IQ id 71 he is just too dumb to know any better. But, I had not considered his FAS/FAE possibility. He has had his brain checked and it isn't damaged, like trauma, but who knows about the drugs.

mcbfun,

I am not sure. I have been pondering that same question. He seems attached to me and at times he shows real empathy and sadness. he cried when a song reminded him of my mom, yet all of the things he has been destroying were from her. I just packed them all up, based on his destruction and a comment in the book, "When Love Isn't Enough" about putting away everything that means anything to keep it safe. I really don't know what I want to do going forward.

I really just want a kid who wants to be helped and wants a family/home.

I guess that is too much to ask anymore.

Sherrie

 8 
 on: June 06, 2016, 09:26:19 am 
Started by Sherrie1003 - Last post by mcbfun
You have said it yourself... They have to truly want to change AND be willing to ACTUALLY do the work to change.

He is clearly not willing to do that.

You thought he learned this the last time the courts took him away from you.

Clearly that is not the case.

He isn't going to change. This is the life you are going to have if he remains in your home.

Can you live with that?

 9 
 on: June 06, 2016, 09:20:51 am 
Started by Sherrie1003 - Last post by Eliza
My daughter has the same need for chaos and extreme stimulation.  She's had this insane "need" since I adopted her.  Her neurologist told me it was a common symptom of FAS/ARND.   She's been on ADHD medication since she was 3 years old.  She's been on mood stabilizing meds since the age of 13.

From her toddler years, she wanted to swing as high as the swing could be pushed.  No height was too scary.

She would stick her arms down into the ice chest filled with melting ice, freezing cold water, and soft drinks.  She would leave her arms in the ice water for several minutes.  When she'd remove her arms, they would be right pink for 10 minutes.  She said this was fun.   "Normal" people couldn't tolerate putting their arms in ice water this for more than 20 seconds. 

She cried at amusement parks until she met the height restriction and was allowed on the scariest rollercoasters. 

She ran high hurdles with high school track team not because she had talent for this (she didn't).  She liked the adrenaline rush of trying not to fall over them and crush her face. 

She had to sit in the front row in front of the teacher's desk in every class since elementary school because of her need to started chaos. 

She seeks the creepiest people (ex-convicts or kids from a local RT school) to befriend.   She can't maintain their friendships because she immediately starts interpersonal conflicts.  (She attended adolescent socialization group therapy for a year, but refuses to implement what she learned.)   

She has absolutely zero fear of anything and can't follow any common sense safety rules.  Last Saturday at 2:30 am, she walked 6 miles to a friend's home by herself.  She left my home one winter morning with no hat or gloves and only a hoodie when it was -5 F.  She walked 2 miles to get potato chips and then 2 miles back home. 

She rents the goriest horror movies and watches them over and over. 

Her twitter page shows photos of her climbing a REAL rock mountain in jeans.   No rescue firemen or emergency medical techs could have easily reached her if she fell.

She manipulates creepy adult males to call and threaten me whenever I don't comply with all her demands.   

Her desire for constant, extreme stimulation/chaos has not decreased over time.  If your son is alcohol affected (FAS/ARND), Sherrie, his desire for chaos/extreme stimulation may never change.  It's a symptom of brain damage.

 10 
 on: June 06, 2016, 08:35:24 am 
Started by Sherrie1003 - Last post by Eliza
You should not have to live with the constant fear that this mentally ill child is going to physically attack you....again.   

Some children are so "broken" they can't live in families. He may be one of them.  If you refuse to take him back from overnight respite CPS must find a residential placement for him.


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