old traumas surfacing again in puberty?

[heartsnsync]

I posted this question in the 11 - 14 year olds but thought to duplicate it here.  Have any of you personally experienced your healing RADs seemingly beginning to act out as a result of revisiting old traumas anew?  From what I have read any negative character issues with even "normal" teens can result in the pre-teens/teens separating themselves from their parents and beginning to get into trouble.  Sometimes this can lead to breaking the law, and experimenting with sex, drugs and/or alcohol.  I know breaking away is common as the child begins to mature and place themselves in the proper persepective as just one in the world instead of the world revolving around them (I am the bio mother of two teen daughters so I know all about this!  ).  But the mystery of what makes one child be a snot for a few years and then snap out of it (like my girls) and others go into the deep end is something that scares me when it comes to my sons.

My boys endured tremendous trauma and we have helped them face it as much as we know how.  But, I want to be on the look out for issues with it surfacing again and try and help them handle them with understanding and love and in a positive manner before they feel tugged into the wrong ways to deal with it. My boys are healing RADs and still a joy to live with right now.  I pray this will not cease to be.

Anyone going through their pubesent healing RADs sprialing backwards?

[Don M]

Great question heartsnsync;
   We were told when we adopted 4 siblings that they were healthy but had been neglected by drug addicted parents.  Along with that was a summary as best our social workers could give that we could expect some major revisiting of old issues at entry into school (age 5 or 6), at puberty (10-12) and at middle school (12-15).  I'll add one they didn't mention but at legal independence (magic 18) is also a big one at least for the first two of mine to reach that horrible old age.

   I believe that there is a strong correlation from early childhood trauma to some of the backward spirals that adopted and abused kids have at puberty and adolescence.  I've been told it is also true that what you have already done to bring this to the surface and reduce the traumatic impact of the memories is all lilkely to prove very worth while in this next period.

[Lorenekm]

My dd16 who came into our lives at 9 went through incredible trauma with her birth mom and grandma.  Anyway, around puberty she had a major breakdown and questioning of "am I really loved"  "does everyone think I am like my bio mom?"  "Do I really love her?"  She was having some major problems in school also.  I knew she was very bright, so I pulled her out, homeschooled her, helped her find some positive interests, and took her to an adoption therapist for about 3 months.  He did not diagnose her with rad but with ptsd.  She developed a love for classical literature, politics, and helping others.  I know that she still struggles with self-esteem issues but every year she gets stronger. She is doing well and we are close. I have learned that when she needs to work through feelings I can best suppoort her by being close but not forcing her to talk, etc..  She has told me that if she had stayed in the school she was going to she would now be probably gothic or on of those "crazy loners".  For her, having a reprieve from all the pressure helped her get through what was a few rough years.  I hope and pray she can continue to stay positive! That is just our experience and it doesn't mean it is everyones.