Prayers requested for my sister-in-law

[RADishMOM]

My sister-in-law and her four daughters really need your prayers right now. It's a long story, but after being married for 20 years and having 4 daughters together, ages 11,9,6, and 2, my SIL was abandoned by her husband. He didn't just decide to leave the marriage, though; apparently he wants everyone to suffer. He has said the most cruel things to my SIL:
That he hasn't loved her since the first year of their marriage; so why did he stay and make 4 children then???
That SIL is fat so she will never find anyone else but him; funny, but since he's been gone, she's lost all that weight and looks thin and trim again!
That he's mad and embarrassed that they have so many kids, and he never wanted the last two; and he treats them like it. AND the children's therapist has  twice reported him to CPS because of things the girls have told her in therapy, abuse and neglect, AND the therapist wrote a several page affadavit to the judge recommending only supervised visitation with him.
That SIL is making up the 2 year old's heart condition for attention; even though there are pages of diagnoses from the cardiac specialists who have treated the 2 year old.
That SIL is alienating the children's affection from him, when in reality, he has alienated himself by never being around for them, lying to them, and treating them so badly they are afraid of him.
That SIL is lying about him hitting her, even though she has a restraining order in place for not only herself but now her children and the police officer photographed her bruises!
And he is hiding money from her and refusing to pay what he is supposed to pay, meanwhile SIL and the girls are on food stamps and medical assistance, and grants to help pay for the basic utilities so the water and heat weren't turned off! And when SIL asked him to pay the heat bill, he refused, saying to SIL, "Won't it be funny when you and the girls are out on the street?" 
He has a girlfriend and then has the nerve to accuse SIL of having a boyfriend. When would she have the time???
I could go on and on, but suffice it to say I have never heard of someone being so extremely cruel and manipulative in a divorce. SIL's therapist says SIL has been emotionally and verbally abused all these 20 years, and in all the therapist's years of counseling, she has never heard such mean things as he says to SIL. It's really bad. And it seems he will stop at nothing to make SIL suffer, including lying and manipulating. Gee, maybe he has RAD?
Anyway, the girls are really suffering because of his putting them in the middle and grilling them about their mom whenever he has them for visitation. SIL has stayed strong all this time, but she's really hurting, and scared of what he might do to try and get custody of the girls simply to avoid paying child support. If he cared so much, why hasn't he bothered to take the Parenting Through Divorce class yet? Money seems to be his main motivator in all of this; he only left SIL after he had blown through all her inheritance money from her parents!

I could tell you so many more terrible things he has done to SIL and the girls, but I think you get the idea. Please pray that justice will prevail, and that the judges and others involved in the divorce case will see through all his lies, and realize who truly cares about the best interests of those children. I'm very worried about how he is able to put on an act and charm his way through things. He did that with the mediator, so she agreed with all the conditions he wanted!  And please lift up in prayer my SIL and those children, who are all suffering in so many ways. They see a therapist weekly to try and help undo all the damage their dad does every time they have visitation with him. Thank the Lord the judge agreed to supervised visitation for now!

Thank you all.

JL

[chris28]

What a sad situation. Sending prayers from here.

[markie]

documenting this all in a book would likely help her too!

good luck

[justine]

How sad!  Was he always this cruel and irrational?   ALmost sounds like he is having mental or even physical/chemical problems.  will include her in my prayers tonight.

[RADishMOM]

Chris - thanks for the prayers. With so many people praying for her and the girls, I know this has to turn around soon.

Markie - Funny you mentioned documenting this in a book, because that's exactly what my SIL has been doing. Her goal is to write a book documenting her experience and then go on speaking tours to help reach out to other women who are in similar situations, and even start an organization dedicated to helping women get out of abusive relationships. She plans to make lemonade out of very sour lemons!

Justine - Has he always been this cruel? He has always made insulting remarks about my SIL, but it always seemed to just be his sense of humor, like people on a TV sitcom who make biting remarks to be funny. My SIL never thought anything of it because they always had that type of banter between the two of them. But in the last couple of years I noticed that he would roll his eyes when SIL was talking, and it bothered me how he would just go off and do his own thing when family would visit. The last time we visited, before he left, we were walking around the yard with SIL and him, and he got himself a hammock and laid down in it, just left the rest of us standing there. Very rude. His neighbor even noticed it, because the neighbor hollered over to him, "Hey, get your guests some chairs, you lazy bum!" But the thing is, we just thought it was US he didn't like. We never realized what was going on between the two of them. He rarely came to any family gatherings, even at holidays, and SIL was only able to tell us after he left her that she was lying for him all those years, telling us he had to work when really he just didn't want to come, and he didn't want her to attend either!

It seems that my cruel brother-in-law was only in the marriage for the money he knew SIL would get one day when her parents died. They weren't rich, but they were very affluent. They gave him $250,000 to start his own business making candle holders and other decorative crap, but he had no head for business so he went bankrupt. SIL put most of her inheritance into his business and their house, but he thinks because he works, everything should go to him. SIL's lawyer said if she can present documentation of all the things her inheritance money paid for, she will get all those things and he can't touch them. Problem is, he already took some furniture that was from SIL's parents out of the house and took it to his girlfriend's house, and even though he was ordered to return it, he has so far refused. Anything he can do to hit her where it hurts the most, that's what he does.

From the letters he has written her, and the terrible things he says to her, this guy is just pure evil! SIL believes he has a drinking problem and is on steriods; he suddenly got in shape and bulked up just before this all started last Fall. SIL also believes he has untreated Bipolar disorder; her 11 year old has displayed symptoms of BPD, and is being treated but at her age, the doctors are reluctant to actually label her as bipolar just yet.

The biggest worry with the kids right now is that he picks on the 6 year old and tells her she's fat and needs to lose weight...she's just 6 years old!!!! He gets very angry at the kids and yells at them often, swears at them, calls them "little shit" and "Idiot!", things like that. He takes the 2 year old with the heart problem into the hot tub, even though he's not supposed to because of her heart, and CPS has been called about this already, but he's still doing it. He yelled so hard at the 6 year old one day, his mother had to yell at him to stop yelling at her!

At the beginning of all this, my SIL went to his family and begged them to help, but they just laid the blame on her and support their son every step of the way, even though they've seen how he treats those kids.

I didn't mean to write this much, so I need to stop here; once I get going on this, I just keep venting more and more because there is so much to tell, and it makes me so angry and so worried.  I appreciate all the prayers; I don't know anyone who needs lifting up more right now than my poor sister-in-law!
JL

[sfmomof9]

I'll be praying too.

Sharon