what will it take to get RTC?

[ellasmom]

My dd has been getting progressively worse over the past few months punctuated by the urination incidence and daily lying and her diminishing personal hygiene. Every year it some dangerous incidence (sexually active with my fs, accusing me of severe abuse, this urination incidence....)

A RN friend referred me to a child physc. but she doesn't treat children without developmental delays ( Autism spectrum) and is currently not taking new patients. We have been consistent in treatment with her AT but in the last session she was unable to give me any direction or help or hope...............just "stay the course".

I feel my dd is unraveling before my very eyes and there is nothing I can do to help.

Time is short she is 13.

Basically she is a great kid, but her behaviors (typical RAD) will lead her to make very dangerous choices in her life and 7 years of help and therapy and consistent parenting- I feel she just isn't getting it!

I need advise of where to go from here......................please help I am so sad and overwhelmed.

[chris28]

Oh, Ellasmom, I know how you feel. We finally got word today that funding was available for rtc for my ds15. He sounds much like your dd. His therapist did most of the paperwork involved as his pediatric psychiatrist is on maternity leave.

Can you contact your local mental health agency? They may be able to help you, or direct you in the right direction.

Prayers and hugs,
Chris

[traci]

I'm in the same boat.. my ds 13..so defiant.. yesterday strangling me while driving etc. Is it the right thing to send him to rtc? If he's not going to listen to me, will there be someone that will make him behave? Will he go backwards? If we put him in will he ever learn to attach? He'd be 5 hours away, can I handle not being involved face to face only occasionally?
I'm just to the point that I can't handle being stressed to the max every single day!!!
I can say, I definately know how you feel. Take Care. Sorry no advice.. need some myself!! I'm crying with you!

[blessingsindisguise]

ellasmom,

hugs, hugs and more hugs.

I am so sorry.

I have no words.

Just that I will be near as you walk this difficult road.

You are not alone.

blessings

[ellasmom]

Thank you all for the kind reply's, I spent all this week, even while at work ( thank GOD for my amazing staff-my patients did not notice my distracted state) ,trying to get some answers and help.......

It seems she is not so bad they will take her for the 24/7 lock down, and the other options involve social workers in the home and lots of therapy but no guarantee of someone to help with extensive RAD experience.......so I am not sure I want to go there. I can't take another therapist telling me "she needs more love and attention"

Yesterday we caught her in yet another web of lies.........I am beginning to feel it is hopeless.

I am tired of giving it one more attempt with out any effort from her, it doesn't seem to make any progress and is exhausting me/us........my dh and I feel all used up.

I will try to find respite care, but I don't know if I can do this for another 4 years and 7 months.

I wish there were more information before I adopted her, I do not know if I would have?

Oh, by the way we have just spent over $5000. in lawyers fees trying to protect her from my abusive ex-husband, who still has 'parents rights' and is trying to see her. Money we took from our retirement savings and don't have much of. Which of course means no vacations/holidays for a while................

I am hoping for some miracle, relief, break...........it is said 'God doesn't give you more than you can handle', I think it is time he and I had a serious talk.

Sorry for the whiny post, not even my fuzzybutts can cheer me today

[Truebluemom]

Ellasmom - Wow, as if you needed more!  I'm so sorry this is so hard and costly (in every way.)  I don't know how your system works, but sometimes you have to go through steps to get the next level of help.  Also, it seems like help is often a matter of trying whatever next thing you can find.  We are on our 3rd residential in almost 3 years with dd16 and finally found a therapist who might be able to help.  (Just getting started but have seen him get more out of dd16 that ever before.)

I know it's exhausting.  I've had some talks with God like that myself - seriously!
I don't believe God makes throw away kids, so there has to be a purpose and a way through this mess.  Hang in there.  TBMom

[Sibyl]

check the remote parenting area...there are ideas there how to fund RTC etc
Sibyl

[Don M]

ellasmom said:
I am tired of giving it one more attempt with out any effort from her, it doesn't seem to make any progress and is exhausting me/us........my dh and I feel all used up.

Please be aware that parent burn-out is one of the most difficult symptoms of this disorder.  Most of us have fealt it, and sometimes it is both dh/dw burning out at the same time.  It is critical you find some respite so that you and dh can find the healing strength that brought you together in the first place, and then that strength is what can and will help you do what is needed for the whole family.

You are probably already doing some tag team respite, swapping in the "on duty" parent and giving the other a break to recharge.  That is an excellent step, but when you both feel burned out at the same time it may be necessary to find a way to have dd safely cared for while both of you are "free" together.

Contact the social services, state mental health and disabilities, and the big adoption agencies in your area.  Each of these groups should know where to find help for a family under stress and how to access respite providers.  Often the same people who provide state foster care have the ability to provide 1 or 2 days at a time for an additional child.

When you do get respite time (time with you and dh alone), try to NOT talk about RAD or any kid problems.  Do things which will help you reconnect and strengthen your marriage.

[h8edmom]

I know when we first tried to get DS18 into RTC, they denied us because "we had never filed a police report on him".  We as parents didn't want to tarnish his future with police reports.   If you need to call the police so you have documentation from professionals about her behaviors. 

(((YOU))) It is so hard!!!