Prayers requested

[neitlingme]

Thanks for the prayers...and the encouragement.  Both are greatly needed and appreciated fully!!!

The trip was "shorter" than planned we just got home  (midnight our time).  We didn't feel welcome in MIL's home.  It's a mess --MIL did a 180 on everything we had been talking about...and not so nicely either.  Something/someone got to her.  It may always be a mystery who...but we have our suspicions.

I'm too tired to explain more tonight, but I will tomorrow. 

Thanks for everything you guys give me, without you I'd struggle through all this....stumbling all the way.  You all give me the courage to step high and meet the needs the best I can.

[anne]

Remember to meet your needs first, so that you'll have the strength to meet their's too (oxygen mask on the airplane analogy).
 
anne

[neitlingme]

Thanks Anne!  Most definitely.

If I have learned anything from all the good folx here, it is that.

Well, what happened is this:

We got to the hospital.  DH went in by himself, because he doesn't trust any of his family (with the exception of the one BIL we were visiting for vacation).  Good thing he did.  MIL promised him that his Sister wouldn't be there (she's DN's former placement).  MIL told us to bring DN up.  Yeah...thanks for that.  Would LOVE the trauma that would ensue.  GOOD LORD.  Where is the protective instinct for children in all this mess??  (I know, I'm the church preaching to the choir here.)  Anyway, of course this sister was there.  GAH.  SO, we (after riding 3 hours in the car) had to SIT and wait in the car for another hour and a half.  You try sitting there with a RAD and two under 10...not really exciting therefore...they make their OWN excitement.  One heck of a headache for the mama sitting there! 

This sister had the audacity to tell DH that it was ok, she didn't mind seeing DN again.  ??WHAT??  HER?  It was about HER?      No wonder this family needs a   
Anyway, MIL barks that she doesn't want a medical POA to my DH...that "no one is going to take my house!"  HUH?  What on earth does THAT have to do with medical POA?  DH tried explaining to his mom that that wasn't what medical POA was...that it was in case something happened to her again, and she wasn't able to make a decision herself (like a stroke or another heart attack...).  It wasn't to "take control" from her now.  If she was "competent" (and it seemed so,) that of course she would be in charge of her own affairs.  Although, as her son, DH, did tell her that he felt her plan to return home with no care other than a visiting nurse twice or three times a week was not very smart in his opinion.  But it was her call.  He feels she's not taking the needs of the rest of the family into consideration in her very stubborn choice. 

MIL copped an attitude toward DH when he walked in the room, telling him that "sister" didn't have to leave the room.  He replied she was right.  BUT that HE didn't have to bring us (the rest of the family) up, nor did he have to stay.  We afterall did call earlier in the day ASKING nicely she not be there as the stress is just too much for DN.  We don't need MORE stress in all of this.  Then he turned to leave.  Apparently her attitude changed 180 degrees after that.  I'm surprised she's not dizzy.

This would be SO much easier if they all were nicer.  MIL included.  We love her, but she is spineless when it comes to supporting anyone...she only supports the one right in front of her. 

Anyway, the GOOD in this, is *I* did see her this time, and I was able to see things differently than DH.  I realized how well MIL really is doing physically.  I've seen 60yo's not bounce back from an open heart proceedure as well as she has.  She really is doing incredibly well.  She's up and vaulting down the hallway with no cane/walker or assistance.  She doesn't act as if her chest was cracked open just a couple days ago.  Hopefully that's not all an act though to get what she wants...and then have it crumble when she gets home.  Sigh.

We will see.  Thanks again for all the prayers!

[Truebluemom]

Interesting that sister didn't leave so you all could come up to visit instead of sitting in the car.  A cup of coffee in the canteen would have been in order here.  So sorry for all the C@#p you are having to deal with right now.  Can't believe none of it is caused by dn.  Now there's a change.  

[neitlingme]

Interesting that sister didn't leave so you all could come up to visit instead of sitting in the car.

Actually it isn't.  This blasted sister is RAD all grown up.  She's definitely Borderline Personality Disorder.  And they have a sociopath in there to boot (DN's biodad).  Ugh.

It's like trying to thread a needle that doesn't have a hole!  It just doesn't work!

I just hope it's over soon.  I have enough to deal with without having to constantly calm DH down from either DN or his family!!!  DN is having a lot of trouble with it all, but her problems are at least somewhat predictable now.  I expect it to be "squishy" there.  I hold adults more accountable for their actions, and that's why I'm having trouble with all of this!!

[Truebluemom]

  on your behalf.

Sending a little karma your way as a pick me up.  You deserve it!

[neitlingme]

Thanks Blue!  That just made me smile. 

At least YOU ALL understand why this is doubly frustrating.

[karleen]

I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner.  (((((((((((((((neitlingme)))))))))))))))  Praying things calm down for you and dh soon.

[MissB]

I'm just seeing this, I am so sorry your plate is full.

[neitlingme]

I guess things are calming some.  But, Now MIL is barely talking to DH.  Civility at best.  Strained.

I guess she's mad that he didn't come and spend every minute with her.  She's two hours away and HE is gone more than he is home to begin with.  IF we'd have driven up there every break he had, he'd have had no break at all, and would have to be back on the road.  He was ALWAYS available on the phone (except the one time she called at 2:30 in the morning asking DH for his brother, then getting mad at DH for not putting brother on the phone....DH did knock on brother's door and tell him mom was on the phone.  Brother told DH to tell mom to call back in the morning!  What else could DH have done???  MIL didn't ask to talk to DH!).  Apparently the twist on this story was that she called at 1am and he refused to let brother talk to her.  Huh?

Why are family so unreasonable when it comes to what someone is capable of?  Why do they have to get "righteous" because "They would have done it differently...."  Of course they would!  They don't live the same life we do!!!

DH called every day.  Worked himself into a tizzy.  Chose to do for his mom, even though she didn't find it enough.

And then, putting DN through the trauma of going back to where all her CSC charges stem from.  To see the people who betrayed her...people who were supposed to protect her and care for her, (as her bio's were supposed to do before then).

Not happening.  Nope.

If they don't want to see things objectively, well, I guess there is nothing we can do.  We still call daily.  We still pray.  We still love her and want her to get well.  I guess we can do all of that from afar too.   

[Truebluemom]

(((((((Neitling))))))))

Beginning to get the picture where some of dns problems may have originated.  Sounds like a multigenerational thing.  Who calls in the middle of the night to talk?  So sorry for your dh.  He is evidently family scapegoat and no matter how much he does it will never be enough. 

Loving from afar is very gracious.  Wishing you and yours peace.   

[justine]

That all sounds so demanding and not very loving.  Poor dh....sounds like he can't win with his mother.    Hope she gets well SOOOON! 

[blessingsindisguise]

thinking of you friend neitlingme!

blessings

[neitlingme]

Thanks guys. 

Just another day in a family full of nuts!

[MissB]

neitlingme, you have my sympathies.  Dealing with the multi-generational is such a pain the tookus! I've got abusive nuts on DSD's side and other nutty issues on DH's side - sigh......