Possible Changes on the Horizon

[artsymominnc]

My husband is looking at two possible job options which would mean some big changes for our family.....a long-distance move out of state being one of the most obvious. 

He's a clinical psychologist and will be interviewing for a position in Wisconsin this coming week.  He is in the process of arranging an interview for another position in northern Minnesota--hoping for a mid-January date.

Either job could actually offer him more pay, benefits that he doesn't have now in private practice, and with any luck, more regular work hours that would enable him to be home in time for dinner more often.  There's also the potential that either job could relocate us to an area where we'd have access to more resources and services for both our boys. 

With so much to think about, I'm trying not to feel too pulled in any direction with hope or anticipation.  I caught myself on a little "snag" the other day because in looking at the two areas, we've been checking out the housing options.  I'd become quite attached to a particular house...an old Victorian house with 6 bedrooms...more than 3,000 square feet of space...corner lot....hardwood floors...some stained-glass window...nice window lighting....etc.  I let myself "dream" that we'd move there....

And then, last night we got a note from the realtor who will give my husband a tour on Friday.  She said the house was in need of a lot of work and located in a declining neighborhood.  In fact, all the mls#s that we sent her that were of interest to us, she said were either not good properties or in bad neighborhoods.  Wouldn't you know it?  But the lesson I am learning is that it's probably better to just put this aside for the time being and let each step come one at a time. 

Each time we have moved, we have found a decent house in a decent neighborhood.  God knows what we need and He will provide. 

I just ask for your prayers and support as we wait things out for a while.  I don't envy my husband with his upcoming interview...having to be under the spotlight for pretty much the full time.  I used to be a teacher, and I told him that whenever I interviewed for jobs, I usually only got half an hour to an hour to make my best impression.  He's going to have a very full schedule with meals and tours and lots of people to meet!  Please keep us in your thoughts this week....me too, because our 9-year-old has been having a really tough time with things lately, and this is not likely to help matters. 

Thank you!
Liz   

[justine]

Will say a prayer here!   Sounds like alot of good possibilities for the whole family.   Keep us posted.  justine

[artsymominnc]

Just a quick follow up...my husband arrived home safely Saturday evening.  He's given me the impression that things went well, that he liked the area, and that he'd consider an offer if one is made.  Hopefully he'll hear something within a few weeks.

His interview in north-western WI/north-eastern MN (two possible locations within one medical practice) is scheduled for mid-January.

Believe it or not, Saturday night, my husband was at the computer looking at yet another job option in the Cincinnati area...close to most of his family.  At some point in recent weeks, I said something to encourage him to keep looking for options if these two interviews didn't develop into offers.  He took me literally....and he acted upon hints from his siblings that he really should look into what's available in the Cincinnati area.   

I'm not totally opposed to the idea.  It's come up many times before.  I'm just a bit intimidated by the idea of living so close to his family because there are so many of them.   He has ten siblings, and most of them have stayed in the area, so family gatherings are big and loud.  It's usually a little beyond my comfort level...being more of an introvert than he is.   

My hesitation is strong because I've not been able to sell myself on the idea that living closer to lots of family necessarily implies having more "support"....but I know that I shouldn't dismiss the idea based on my own insecurities.  I've known since we got married more than 12 years ago that he's had an interest in moving back to be closer to his family.

It's just another wrinkle for the time being.

Liz     

 

[boxermom]

You have my thoughts, prayers and understanding.  The first part of August we moved from Colorado to Pennsylvania for a job change for my hubby -- big move and hard on the family, especially my ds15(bio).  I am from the west coast and have never lived on the east coast.  It seems everyone had nothing but warnings for us; how different it would be, how we wouldn't like it here, and how homesick I would be.  Turns out, we like it here, except for the fact that the majority of our family is on the west coast.  We were kind of hoping it might be a bit of a fresh start for our dd8 since she wouldn't be pointing out places to us saying, "I lived here with XX and went there with YY; that's where we used to have visits with A&M (bio parents)."  She is same though, no better no worse.

I pray you end up someplace where you are all happy and comfortable.

[artsymominnc]

Thank you so much, boxermom.

There is something to be said for making a "fresh start" in a new location!  I'd like to think that could make a difference as far as schooling goes...either in finding a public school that can accommodate our son's special needs or in finding support for me so that I can continue homeschooling. 

I'm glad that Pennsylvania has worked out well for you.     Wisconsin is my home state...so the idea of moving back there doesn't seem as BIG as when I originally made the move from Wisconsin all the way to North Carolina.   

Liz

 

[boxermom]

Any news on the possible move?  Been thinking about you.  I know for me, waiting to see if we were going to move kind of drove me crazy! 

[artsymominnc]

No news yet from the first location where he interviewed (La Crosse, Wisconsin).  He's leaving again this Saturday to spend four days in the areas of Duluth, MN and Ashland, WI to interview for two possible positions with the same medical center. 

His brother (also a psychologist) got an offer in La Crosse, but is also interviewing in Duluth and Ashland (starting the day after Fred leaves.)

I've been keeping my cool about this...too much else on my mind trying to keep up with Ds's challenges.  Each place would have it's own pros and cons....

Liz

[momo7]

It is so good to know when things regarding the future are so uncertain, that the path is already laid out.  Especially with the daily challenges of being a mom and a mom of raddys as well.  I will pray for the path to be clear and well lit for you and your dh to see.  Trusting that will happen! 
I lived in Mpls for 12 years.  I love MN.  A bit cold, so some adjusting, but it is a lovely state with nice people.  MN nice they call it!
Karen

[artsymominnc]

My husband received an email yesterday from the folks in La Crosse letting him know that there would be no offer.     I'm a little disappointed--I like the La Crosse area, but I am a firm believer in things working out for reasons beyond my understanding.  If not this...then something else.  He intends to keep looking, and we keep praying that we will be guided to wherever that somewhere else is meant to be.

On to Duluth and Ashland tomorrow morning through Late Tuesday night.  Please continue to keep us in your prayers.  It is much appreciated.

Liz

[justine]

Liz, i guess it is some consolation to have 2 more choices.  And not hundreds either.   My dh works for himself.  That sounds wonderful because our last move involved the reality that we could move ANYWHERE!   while that sounds great....it is a bit overwhelming.  I like a few choices...good choices of course!    Hope you get one!  justine

[artsymominnc]

I've been told that the Northern Lights are visible from Ashland!  That would be sooo cool!

Liz

[artsymominnc]

Latest report is favorable in the sense that dh seemed "at ease" with the people in Ashland.  Not as sure about Duluth...but still looking at both options as possibilities.  He may need to make one more trip for more interviewing time.  One of the directors felt there just wasn't enough time allotted during this visit to cover it all. 

I guess that's a good thing in regard to their interest, but I'll admit that I felt myself "sink" a little bit at the idea of yet another trip.  He's still got to be gone for three days at the end of the month for a work-related conference...in state, but miles from home.

He's coming home late tonight...probably close to midnight...then back to work again tomorrow with a full schedule for the remainder of the week. 

Ds sees the psychiatrist again Friday morning and I'm anticipating that we're going to be adding one or maybe even two new meds.  Abilify is one possibility.  Ds and I met with one of my husband's colleagues last week (a social worker) who felt ds won't benefit from therapy until we get the anxiety issues under control.  We certainly found that to be true a year ago when we were attempting AT. 

I'm doing whatever I can these days just to try to minimize the stress within our household...letting things slide here and there in the interest of trying to find balance and calm wherever and whenever possible. 

Ds spent the entire day playing yesterday.  He'd pushed me pretty hard Saturday and Sunday, and I knew I needed a break, but didn't really have a lot of options.  Before 8:00 yesterday morning he was already revving up pretty intensely, so I gathered up quite a few of his favorite toys and a new puzzle, set him up in his room with instructions to play to his heart's content...and did what I could to avoid any type of "battle" with him. 

At the end of the day, he started revving up again when it was time to put everything away....but by then I was in a better state of mind so I handled the end of the day much better. 

I'm not sure what we're doing today.  I know we should be doing school work, but when he's this dysregulated, it's almost pointless to try to "work" with him because all of my energy goes into trying to manage his behavior and negative attitude.  That's not good for either one of us.  I'm hoping he's in a better state of mind today....but chances are that he's going to be even more worked up because dh is coming home tonight and Tuesdays are also Scout meeting days...not usually a good thing in ds's mind.

Anyway...my gut feeling about the job situation is that Ashland sounds like it would be a good match for dh.  Hopefully he will get an offer from them!  His brother is heading up that way today for his interviews. 

[artsymominnc]

Dh has been home for a week, and he's still waiting for any sort of news regarding his latest interviews.  He and his brother continue to compare notes regarding the pros and cons.  One day their both psyched about it...the next day, not so much.  It'll be interesting to see what eventually happens with all this. 

Right now I wish I could shield myself from their wavering because I'll be the first to admit that I need some stability these days.  Ds9 has been in a very bad state of mind for such a long time.  His psychiatrist prescribed Klonopin in addition to the Concerta and Risperdal he is already taking.  Maybe it's the combo of meds...but his behavior has been very challenging, and his attitude toward me and what I'm trying to do with him for homeschooling has become increasingly negative. 

I had a different "game plan" in mind when we started back after Christmas, and I really think I've got some good ideas.  Unfortunately, school has not been going well for several months, and everything has gotten so complicated and mixed with emotional reactions rather than purposeful work. 

His reactions make no sense to me, which completely frustrates me, but I also see the oddities of his behavior as a gauge to his state of mind.  Looking at it from that perspective, this probably has nothing at all to do with whether or not my school plans are a good fit.  Rather, he feels hopeless and overwhelmed regardless of what I do...so that's where I have to start, even if it means school takes a back seat again and again.  I know him well enough to realize that he can't focus on school work when he's so disconnected from his thoughts and feelings.  He's hanging on by a thread every day. 

So...gotta think of a new strategy that will incorporate the calming sensory time that he needs without calling it that (because when he knows I have a plan, he feels threatened.)  If I can sneak in some "school" subjects, great, but goal #1 is to figure out what's got him tied up in so many knots.  From my perspective, we keep things structured and safe, but clearly, I am missing something and I've got to pay closer attention.  He reacts more to those teeny-tiny changes and ripples in life than to the bigger rumbles.

We have a meeting scheduled with the director of special ed from our current district next Tuesday morning.  It's primarily for informational purposes since we don't know what our long-term plans might be, but we will need their assistance in preparing an IEP if we do end up moving and do opt for public school placement.  In the mean time, I don't know if it's a good idea or not to consider returning him to public school now.  Certainly, it would relieve my stress tremendously, but if we don't have the right person in place for support (either for part-time tutoring with maybe math and reading, or full-time placement in a regular classroom but with specific resource help), we could do more damage than good.

Thanks to all of you who have been keeping me and my family in your prayers.  Hopefully dh will hear something this week from Ahsland and Duluth...one way or the other.  He's preparing his vitae to send out to a few other places...including Cincinnati, OH (which would put us close to his family) and Fargo, ND (which is where he went to grad school.)  I'm doing what I can to support his search...keeping faith that we'll be guided one step at a time.

Liz 

   

[karleen]

((((((((((((((((Liz & Family))))))))))))))))

This is such a long road for all of you.  Take care.

[ellasmom]

my dh and I also have been thru MANY changes last year and I also longed for some answer to give us some sense of stability, change is very stressful for us. But God truly does have a plan and purpose for your life and it will come in the perfect time (although my dh and I have jokingly called him our 11:59 God) I promise peace, the peace of God will come, you remain in our prayers.