Possible Changes on the Horizon

[momo7]

Liz,
You are being an awesome mom!  Putting into practice what you share with others.  That is hard when you are dealing with the uncertainty of the future for yourself and your family.  We moms really carry it all in our hearts.  I hear your concern for your son, and trying to help him, and that is pretty incredible.  Pat yourself on the back, kudo's to you, and know you are in the prayers of many. 
Karen

[artsymominnc]

Thank you all so much for your kind words and prayers.  I truly appreciate the support.

Liz

[artsymominnc]

Just  brief update...

Dh's brother is expecting to hear specific details today regarding an offer from Ashland, WI.  He had some leverage to speed up their process because he has another offer pending and promised to get back to them today.   Unless Ashland comes up with a spectacular offer, it looks as though dh's brother will accept the other offer--which was a really good one. 

Dh is still waiting on any further news, but has continued to apply for other positions (including Cincinnati, OH and Fargo, ND) and has also sent his vitae to places that have not advertised positions but may be good places to investigate.  If Ashland comes through with an offer for him, we'll give it serious consideration, but he'd like to have some other options too. 

Why ND???  He actually interviewed with this same practice several years ago before he got his current job, and at that time, he felt he did not make a favorable impression because his experiences were rather limited.  It's a whole different ball game now that he's worked in private practice for the past six years and has acquired a wide array of additional training...not to mention our own life experiences with our son's multiple needs.  It was my mistake in thinking that his grad school was in Fargo...it was actually in Grand Forks (which is a bit further north.)  He likes ND, and at this point, I have to keep an open mind.  The reality is that I've been fine no matter where I have lived in my 42 years of life.  I think I could adjust....even to the cold.  I am a Wisconsin native....though living in the South for the past 13 years has softened me when it comes to handling ice and snow. 

Still asking for prayers as well in regard to our scheduled meeting tomorrow morning with the special ed. director of our public school system.  I have no idea what will come from this...just praying for guidance that we do what's necessary to best match our son's needs. 

Thanks a bunch!
Liz 

[artsymominnc]

Dh's brother accepted his offer for the position in La Crosse, WI.  Dh has been told that the Duluth/Ashland company determined they can't support a position for a child psychologist in Ashland, but they are interested in having him work in Duluth.  He's waiting further details of what they have to offer and such.   

He's OK with them taking their time for a little while so he can see if any of his other searches result in an interview.  He seems quite interested in Fargo, and had a nice conversation with the recruiter who was pleased to know that he had been to grad school in ND.  Maybe that's already a foot in the door.  I'm trying to psyche myself up to the idea of moving somewhere so cold and flat!  (Quite a change from the mountains of NC where we live now!)  He's looking into some options that could put us close to La Crosse, but there are no specific position listed.  He's just hoping to catch someone's interest with his skills at the right time! 

Our school meeting with the special ed. director is in just a couple of hours.  Ds had a really decent day yesterday as far as school...wouldn't you know it!?!  I'm hoping that's a good sign that the Klonopin is helping.  He just woke up and seems to be in a very pleasant mood....that's a NICE change of pace!    We'll see how today goes.....

Liz 

[boxermom]

I hope you get some news soon so you can move onto your family's next chapter.  Waiting and wondering becomes challenging after a bit (at least it did for me).  Maybe that is what is going on with your ds.  Although you might not sense any stress, tension, anticipation, etc., there has to be some of that going on inside you.  I swear these kids can sense emotions that we don't even realize we are experiencing.

Those of you who home school these kids amaze me.  I couldn't consider it with my dd8.  It would ruin what very little relationship we have and not allow me my "sanity time" while she is at school.  I home schooled my two bios for most of their schooling until dd8 arrived and dd12 informed me that she would not allow dd8 to go to school all by herself.  While I had big concerns (dd12 has some learning challenges), she was very determined that she was going to school and home schooling was tough on our relationship (she is not an easy child).  Dh thought it would be good if I no longer wore the teacher hat in addition to the mom hat.  That was two years ago and she is holding her own and our relationship is much more pleasant. 

Good to hear ds is doing better today.  Hopefully that trend will continue for a while!

[artsymominnc]

Dh has a phone interview scheduled for next Tuesday morning for a position in Cincinnati.  If that goes well, we assume that he'll be invited for a formal interview.   Apparently there has been some delay in their Human Resources Dept. processing his materials, so this phone interview should help move things along...at the very least to give dh a chance to learn more about the positions that are available. 

Dh also has an interview in Fargo, ND tentatively scheduled for Friday, Feb. 29th.  We're pretty sure that Fargo would have some good resources for our older son who is gifted and will be entering middle school next year.  Dh is going to be contacting the schools regarding their special ed. programs so that hopefully he can meet with a director of the services while he is in the area. 

Dh will be away from home for at least three days....complicated a bit by the fact that he's taking part in some other training the week before which will take him away from home for a few days too.  Ds9 has had a tough time with the other trips.  I'd like to think that maybe he'd be getting more used to it by now....but I doubt it.     Dh's time away from home is getting harder and harder to "explain," but we feel it's best not to tell ds9 about the job search until something is definitive.  It would make matters so much more stressful if he knew.     So we just pass it off asd more job-related meetings and training.  Ds hasn't asked too many questions, but I doubt he'll be happy about two more (maybe three more) trips in the coming weeks. 

I think I am going to need a few weeks off when all this passes!!! 

I have a meeting scheduled next Wednesday afternoon with a special ed. teacher who has agreed to include ds9 in a math and reading group that meets every morning from 8:15-9:45.  Next week's meeting will be to get acquainted.  I don't know when we'll officially start, but I'm hoping this is a step in the right direction.  Our primary concern is to work toward getting the school district's assistance with an IEP for next school year.  By actually working with him, hopefully they will see first hand the concerns we have been trying to address. 

We are also going to try to line up an appointment with a child psychiatrist in Asheville (about an hour away from us).  We've been seeing a psychiatrist for more than a year, but she doesn't usually work with children, and I think we have to agree that we've exhausted her limits with ds's issues.  It may be more than a month before we can get an appointment.....so we wait.

That's about all the news....

Liz

[artsymominnc]

Just a brief update...

My husband heard from Fargo yesterday that they will not be offering him a position.  He interviewed in Cincinnati recently as well...hoping for an offer there if at all possible.  Still has an interview coming up in Greenville, SC at the end of this month, but I've not gotten the impression that he's really interested in that one.  The main perk there is the moving distance would be a lot shorter.  He's already reading through the latest listings again....ready to keep applying for positions as needed.

The school situation...as I posted under the homeschooling section, did not work out.  The teacher was assigning work that was beyond my son's comprehension and comfort level...all in the course of two days.  When I addressed my concerns, the teacher dismissed them.  It wasn't a good situation for any of us...so we backed off. 

We still have nine weeks left to finish up our homeschooling year after Easter.  We're taking some time off this week and next...but it hasn't exactly been relaxing.  My son has taken things to a slightly higher level in terms of the intensity of his fears and his persistence lately in wanting to talk about his birth mom and essentially to blame her for all the difficulties he is having now.  I'm trying to be sensitive, but my gut feeling is that she's a safer "target" for him to vent about than I am.

I find myself feeling like I am simultaneously the good guy and the bad guy in his mind.  I am the one who is setting the course for school and home life...so when he doesn't like something, it would really make more sense to blame me.   On the other hand, I'm the one that he's leaning on for comfort....so he's kind of mixed up right now about whether he likes me or not.  He said the other day that he sees me as someone who loves people, and that makes him feel hopeless.  He feels it's sometimes impossible for him to do good things for me and say he loves me...and mean it.  But in the same conversation he also said that he feels good when he can tell me he loves me and do something nice for me....and mean it.  Go figure!

So....we're still just working our way through moment to moment.  My husband has taken him with him this morning so that I can have a break...much needed! 

This week I ran into another new problem when I expected my son to play independently while I did some yard work outside.  He had not wanted to be outside with me, so I had him play in his bedroom.  While I was away from him, he took a broken piece of a building toy that had a bit of a sharp edge, and he scratched his arm with it.  It wasn't bad...but my impression was that if I had not come to check on him when I did, he might have continued to try other ways to make sure that he got my attention.  The sad thing is that he has my attention so much of the time.....

More later... I have to give my older son a haircut!

Liz

[artsymominnc]

Dh has now heard from Cincinnati that they have offered the position to someone else--in this case, it was someone with more research experience.  Greenville is still a possibility...but dh is starting the process over again of looking at other options.

Liz

[cherylbnj]

((( artsymom)))

I can only imagine your frustration!  I know one of my most difficult challenges in life is not knowing the next step. 

I know you are a woman of strong faith, so I'm sure you share the belief that everything happens (or doesn't happen) for a reason, and it's always for the good.  It would be nice if we knew the reason!!!!

Just keep hanging in there and know that whatever God has in His plans for you and your family, it will happen in HIS time, and all you can do is take one day at a time and enjoy the present.

[boxermom]

It is very hard sitting in "limbo" when you know there is an upcoming change, but don't know much about it!  Keep the faith and patience -- hopefully this will be resolved soon and you can makes plans.  I am a planner, so for me the waiting is very hard.  My husband moved six months before we did and for the first five months, we still didn't know if the kids and I would be able to move with him or need to wait a couple of years.  Life offers some exciting challenges.  I pray God leads you all to a wonderful new beginning!

[artsymominnc]

Thank you cherylbjn and boxermom.  Something has come up in regard to the next interview that may help in my husband's favor.  Sometimes it's easier to get a foot in the door if you know someone who knows someone.  Well, we've kept in touch with a woman who was once the Superintendent of the NC School for the Blind.  Both my husband and I worked there when we were first dating.  Dr. B. left her position a few years later to move to the School for the Blind in SC, but she's always been very supportive of our family, and she is a woman of great influence....in  a very respectable and intelligent way. 

She not only has a connection or two with people who will be interviewing my husband but she is also someone I would trust implicitly for her opinion of what we could expect of school services in the area.  My husband contacted her to let her know that he'd be interviewing, and she offered to make some calls on his behalf to put in a good word for him.  Likewise, she knows the Superintendent of the Greenville Schools.  I think she could really help us discern whether this would be a good place to settle or not. 

We don't want to move somewhere that isn't already providing similar services for kids.  Admittedly, we're both too worn out from all of this already to take on fighting a system. 

I'm not getting my hopes up over this one any more than the others....just waiting it out to see what happens.  My husband is going to start applying for a couple of positions in Wisconsin too, maybe one in Pennsylvania as well....and still looking for other options until we find the right match.

Just after Easter I'll start working on the last nine weeks of our school year.  I'm needing to let things slide quite a bit with my younger son.  He's not done well with the two weeks we've just taken for "vacation" time, and knowing that he's this stressed out, I really can't expect that he's going to be able to learn until he calms down. 

My plan is to focus my main attention on working with my older son.  He and I have some plans to do a lot in the yard to spruce up our animal habitat potential, and in a few weeks, we're going to do some archeology lessons and replicate a "dig site" in our back yard.  (We'll dig up a spot--and put it to use afterwards for a garden spot.) 

If I can get my younger son hooked into some of this hands-on work in the yard, that would be great, but I also know that he doesn't particularly like to be outside and doesn't like to get his hands dirty.  Something he and I could work on would be to make all sorts of wind catchers and chimes and such.  A few years ago we started a wind garden after reading a book called The Wind Garden by Angela McAllister and Claire Fletcher.  There are all sorts of things that can be made to fly in the wind...and think how pretty our yard will be if we've really spruced it up with decorations, flowers, feeders, and other things to attract wildlife.  This is what Spring is all about, as far as I am concerned!

More than a year ago when my husband had been considering a different job change, we had talked with a couple who work as realty agents and live in our neighborhood.  We had asked them to look at our house and give us some ideas regarding what things we could do to make it more marketable....which things to fix, and which things to leave as they are.  At that time, they had mentioned that they might consider buying the house themselves to fix up and resell.  If that could possibly still be an interest of theirs, my husband and I would be ever so willing to take them up on that.  That would certainly minimize the stress of making repairs, showing the house, waiting for an offer, etc.  We know them well enough that we'd trust them for a fair price.  We won't contact them until we have an offer to consider, but it's something to keep in mind. 

So, we are hanging in there.  It is a wonderful opportunity to put our faith to the test and practice trust that God will lead us to something better....all in His time.  I have no doubt that it'll be worth the wait.

Liz

[karleen]

Hi Liz.  I know this is all so stressful.  Please know that I am thinking of you often, and praying for you and your family.  (((((((((((((())))))))))))))) for all.

[traci]

Liz,
I'll be saying prayer for you and your family to find the right location for all of you.
Digging in the dirt is theraputic you know. I have the most beautiful flower gardens! When I'm stressed I go plant and take care of my gardens, that's why they are so beautiful. Maybe your youngest son will see what a good time you are having and want to join in?
Take Care,
Traci

[NWMom]

Liz,
Still praying but haven't seen you on the boards in a while.
Hope everything is ok.
Let us know when you can.
NW

[traci]

I've been thinking about you too. Hope everything is okay. We would love to hear from you!!